009 Freedom With Internal Conflict

    Today let's talk about Mei-Xian more.

    As the legendary Taoist, Mei-Xian isn't as unbound as people think: since great Taoists have arrived the Way, how can anything restrain their freedoms? They shall be totally free! Yes, Mei-Xian is free, but she is also bound. Isn't it a contradiction? Well, you know the contradiction is the nature of human life. Mei-Xian's ego is bound by her internal conflicts, such as her hate of being her mother's daughter as well as she loves her mother. Mei-Xian's mother's family name(Huang) and blood disgusted from her childhood (refer to chapter 005: The Filthiest Holy Lady). Mei-Xian also has many other strong complexes and contradictions of herself. Let's see how she lives with those as a true Taoist.

Self Communication

( The introduction of "sanshi"(三尸, three shi): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C5%8Dshin )

    On the day while Mei-Xian reached the Way, those sanshi of her were subdued by Mei-Xian's highness. They felt so inferior, and when Mei-Xian invited them to join herself instead of expelling them, they were so glad and willing to. Their existences were given away, and they became parts of Mei-Xian. Mei-Xian still kept those parts to have functions and consciousnesses of sanshi, and since those sanshi are actually parts of Mei-Xian now, they won't do anything bad to Mei-Xian when they report to the heaven.

    Though they are virtual beings generated by minor parts of Mei-Xian, but Mei-Xian never interferes with the forming of their consciousnesses. If they have different opinions, Mei-Xian won't force them to change their minds. She will try her best to communicate.

    For example, one day Mei-Xian found the upper shi was not happy about her wearing---

    "What happens? You looks not happy."
    "Er, not.. not thing..."
    "Come on! We are the same one, and your heart is my heart, you can't hide your emotion."
    "Well, seems it can't be helped. Mei-Xian, in my eyes you are perfectly graceful and elegant, and it's very important to me, so--"
    "So?"
    "It's just my feeling. You wear this purple legging today, and I can't bear it!"
    "Oh~~ Why?"
    "Because the legging makes the feeling of you become... cheap! Oh my,I hate to say this! But..."
    "Dno't feel bad, my internal partner. I didn't think that you hate leggings so much."
    "No, I don't hate leggings. Other women can wear leggings and I like to watch them, but... But no leggings shall be put on the legs of Mei-Xian!"

Internal Religious Conflict of Ego

    Though Mei-Xian is a Taoist (she doesn't emphasize that), her torso belongs to the Christian religion ( refer to chapter 002: Black Cat's Legendary Mother ). Mei-Xian "tricks" it and it doesn't cause troubles normally, but sometimes her torso will "find" that other parts of Mei-Xian are so unholy and it can't tolerate anymore---

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    As mentioned above, that's Mei-Xian's daily life. She always struggles for being herself.  
 
    Well, you may ask me a question here: why can't a great and mighty Taoist like Mei-Xian get rid of any internal conflicts, complexes, and contradictions of her ego? The answer is, she CAN do that, but she WAN'T. Mei-Xian doesn't like to terminate or change things by force. As a successful Taoist, she views anything exists naturally. She will get alone all of them, even they are considered as bad, dark, evil, or negative existences or properties. Truly being free is that, your freedom won't be influenced by anything, even the conflicts and bad affections of your mind. As Laozi said:

    "道可道，非常道；名可名，非常名。" (The way things go, if put into words, is not fundamental; the name, if named, does not last.)

    It's just the Way that Mei-Xian, our legendary Taoistic lady has arrived :)

Supplemental description
    Inspired by AlNaga The Dreaded's suggestion, I add some additional settings of Mei-Xian:

    Mei-Xian's torso is inhabited by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is more "inorganic" than other two in Mei-Xian's story, and it behaves by principles and rules. If the conditions need it to rage, it will rage. The spirit doesn't have human-like personality so that it is unable to communicate with Mei-Xian on religion issue-- since the day that her former lover baptized and sacrificed her torso, Christianity had become the essential property of it. By the doctrines of monotheism, Mei-Xian's other parts are heathens of course, and that's naturally unacceptable for her torso to form the same one with them. This is very reasonable for her torso as it always obeys the doctrines.

    For Mei-Xian, she will accept that smoothly. Yes she truly suffers a lot, but as the one who had achieved the Way, she won't resist anything that happens to her. She experiences, she suffers, and after all she takes everything as enjoyable. All things she meets complete herself as the lady name Mei-Xian.The fact that her heart (with torso) belongs to different religion and despises herself doesn't alter Mei-Xian's core spirit-- that is, she is totally free. One can be free only when she or he is freed from her/him self, and no external situations can harm her/his freedom if she/he has already gotten the true freedom.

    In Chinese, we say "growing out of mud, the lotus still blooms pure and untainted". One may be confined, tortured, insulted or tainted, but she/he still can keep her/his goodness, pureness and happiness in her/his inner world. Mei-Xian is such a lady. She doesn't view her Christian torso with other Taoist parts as a problem, she likes to  keep both side, and she will keep on reassembling her torso time by time XD