後日談:異端與邪教
Epilogue: Heresy and Cult
麗娜、紫英和綾瀨分享給結衣的人生片段,值得深入一談。以下分別是她們三人的故事。
The life fragments shared with Yui by Lina, Shiei, and Ayase are worth a deeper discussion. Their three stories are presented below."
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一、草原上的十字蓮花:風與歸途的間奏曲
I. The Cross-Lotus on the Grasslands: An Interlude of Wind and Homecoming
內蒙古的風裹挾著千年草籽的記憶撲面而來,捲起漫天草浪,瞬間吞沒了「黃前れいな單元」的視野。這風乾燥而廣闊,帶著陽光曝曬後乾草的醇香與泥土深處的礦物氣息,與東京那混雜著海水鹹腥和金屬銹蝕的風截然不同。
馬背上,被稱作「黃麗娜」的少女輕挽韁繩。她有著結衣清麗的臉龐,頸項下卻是麗娜充滿生命力的身軀。此刻麗娜原本的頭顱正靜置在黃前本家的隱密房間,接受精密的靈力解構——那源於先祖的咒願,既是守護信仰的鎧甲,也成了禁錮靈魂的牢籠。
這具奇妙的身軀裡,流淌著一段跨越千年的漂泊史。她的先祖從波斯出發,沿著絲綢之路將景教的火種帶到中土。這個善於融合的家族在漢地紮根,取了漢姓,習了漢俗,唯獨將對唯一神的信仰,小心翼翼地包裹在文化交融的外衣之下。北宋的戰火將他們再度推向北方,在蒙古草原的邊緣找到了新的棲息之地。他們接納了蒙古人的生活方式,卻始終保留著漢姓與對故土的記憶,在多重文化的交匯處築起自己的精神家園。
這段漫長的遷徙,在血脈中沉澱為複雜的印記。先祖們在異端審判與宗教迫害的陰影下東遷,深知信仰在異質文化中既可能被稀釋,也可能在碰撞中昇華。他們將守護信仰的執念化作血脈中的咒力,不是為了排斥異教,而是為了警惕那些打著同一旗號卻面目猙獰的「異端」。他們堅持不承認「天主之母」、拒用聖像、質疑「死後滌罪說」,這些特立獨行的教義詮釋曾讓他們在基督教世界屢遭排斥,反而在佛教、道教等異教文化中找到了難得的寬容。
時光流轉,當黃前家族的探索隊在草原邊緣找到麗娜時,她所傳承的景教早已與長生天的信仰、佛道的智慧交織成獨特的靈性圖景。唯有對全知全能神的虔誠,依然在混雜的儀式與模糊的教義下熾熱跳動。正是這份對信仰本質的執著,讓她對黃前家族包容萬千異端的理念產生了共鳴。然而,當她滿懷期待地接入靈識之海,血脈中沉睡的咒願卻激烈反抗——在它古老的認知裡,切支丹信仰依然是必須警惕的「異端」。
The wind of Inner Mongolia rushed forward, wrapped in the memories of millennia-old grass seeds, rolling up a boundless wave of green that instantly swallowed the vision of the "Omae Reina Unit." This wind was dry and vast, carrying the mellow scent of sun-baked hay and the mineral tang from deep within the earth—a stark contrast to the Tokyo wind, which was mixed with the salty stench of seawater and the rust of metal.
On horseback, the girl known as "Huang Lina" lightly held the reins. She had the clear, beautiful face of Yui, but beneath her neck was the vibrant, life-filled body of Reina. At this moment, Reina's original head lay quietly in a secret room of the Omae main house, undergoing a precise spiritual deconstruction—a curse originating from her ancestors that was both armor protecting her faith and a cage imprisoning her soul.
Within this marvelous body flowed a history of wandering that spanned a thousand years. Her ancestors had set out from Persia, carrying the spark of Nestorianism along the Silk Road to the Middle Kingdom. This family, adept at integration, took root in the Han lands, adopting Han surnames and customs, yet carefully wrapped their faith in the One God within a cloak of cultural fusion. The wars of the Northern Song pushed them north once more, finding a new habitat on the edge of the Mongolian grasslands. They adopted the Mongol way of life but retained their Han surnames and memories of their homeland, building their spiritual home at the intersection of multiple cultures.
This long migration settled into their bloodline as a complex imprint. Her ancestors, moving east under the shadow of the Inquisition and religious persecution, knew well that faith in a heterogeneous culture could either be diluted or sublimated through collision. They turned their obsession with protecting their faith into a curse within their blood, not to reject paganism, but to guard against those "heretics" who marched under the same banner but wore hideous faces. Their insistence on not recognizing the "Mother of God," rejecting icons, and questioning the doctrine of Purgatory led to their repeated rejection in the Christian world, yet they found rare tolerance within pagan cultures like Buddhism and Taoism.
此刻,馳騁在草原上的「黃麗娜」,正經歷著一場前所未有的體驗。結衣的頭顱透過靈識之海,輕柔地讀取著麗娜頭顱上傳的記憶與情感,卻刻意壓制著屬於「神無月結衣」的自我認知。這不是佔領,而是一場精心安排的假期——結衣希望自己的頭顱能被麗娜純粹的心靈好好「使用」,如同將精密的樂器交給真正的音樂家。在這片遼闊天地間,她只想做一個單純的黃麗娜,一個追逐風、尋找傳承、叩問信仰的草原少女。
結衣的頭顱被麗娜的身體承載著,在馬背上輕輕晃動,正沉浸在一場陌生的感官洗禮中。她感受到脊椎隨著馬匹的步伐自然起伏,大腿內側緊貼馬鞍的觸感如此精準熟稔,彷彿這具身體早已將騎乘的技藝刻入骨髓。這不是靠意識驅動的動作,而是肌肉深處甦醒的記憶在引領她與風共舞。
然而,當她試圖用理性解讀這份新奇,將「應當興奮」的訊號傳遞給心臟時,胸腔回饋的卻是一股溫暖的眷戀——這裡畢竟是麗娜魂牽夢縈的故鄉。
頂著結衣面容的少女不覺莞爾。她下意識想要撫胸感受那份悸動,指尖卻不由自主地輕觸自己的臉頰。這個矛盾的動作讓她恍然意識到:此刻被這片草原接納的,是寄居在麗娜身體裡的結衣;而這顆頭顱中萌生的親近感,與其說是她在接納麗娜,不如說是麗娜的心正在溫柔地包容著她。
「歡迎啊,夥伴。」
這句話在意識的邊緣輕輕迴盪,分不清是頭顱對身體的致意,還是身體對頭顱的問候。
As time passed, when the Omae family's exploration team found Reina on the edge of the grasslands, the Nestorianism she inherited had long since interwoven with the faith of Tengri and the wisdom of Buddhism and Taoism to form a unique spiritual landscape. Only the piety towards the omniscient and omnipotent God still burned hotly beneath the mixed rituals and blurred doctrines. It was this persistence in the essence of faith that resonated with the Omae family's philosophy of embracing all heresies. However, when she connected to the sea of consciousness with expectation, the dormant curse in her blood resisted fiercely—in its ancient cognition, the Kirishitan faith was still a "heresy" to be guarded against.
At this moment, "Huang Lina," galloping across the grasslands, was experiencing something unprecedented. Through the sea of consciousness, Yui's head gently read the memories and emotions uploaded by Reina's head, while deliberately suppressing the self-cognition belonging to "Kannazuki Yui." This was not an occupation, but a carefully arranged vacation—Yui hoped her head could be "used" well by Reina's pure heart, like handing a precise instrument to a true musician. In this vast world, she only wanted to be a simple Huang Lina, a grassland girl chasing the wind, seeking heritage, and questioning faith.
Carried by Reina's body, Yui's head swayed gently on horseback, immersed in a baptism of unfamiliar sensations. She felt the spine rise and fall naturally with the horse's pace, the touch of inner thighs gripping the saddle so precise and familiar, as if this body had long carved the art of riding into its marrow. This was not movement driven by consciousness, but memories awakening deep within the muscles, leading her to dance with the wind.
However, when she tried to interpret this novelty with reason and transmit the signal "should be excited" to the heart, the chest fed back a warm nostalgia—this was, after all, the hometown Reina dreamed of.
The girl wearing Yui's face smiled unconsciously. She subconsciously wanted to touch her chest to feel that throb, but her fingertips involuntarily brushed her own cheek. This contradictory action made her suddenly realize: what was being accepted by this grassland at this moment was Yui residing in Reina's body; and the intimacy sprouting in this head was not so much her accepting Reina, as Reina's heart gently embracing her.
"Welcome, partner."
This sentence echoed softly at the edge of consciousness, indistinguishable whether it was the head greeting the body, or the body greeting the head.
這具身軀散發著驚人的熱度,那是長年奔馳在曠野中、在馬頭琴聲裡淬煉出的生命溫度。結衣那顆總是承載著萬千悲願而冰冷沉重的頭顱,此刻被這股來自胸腔的暖流溫柔托起。她不再是那個發號施令的最高節點,而成了一個被身體悉心引領的旅人。
當白色蒙古包的輪廓出現在地平線上時,麗娜的身體搶在意識之前作出了反應。眼眶毫無預兆地濕潤,那是源自生命本能的孺慕之情。氈帳外,滿臉風霜的爺爺正低頭整理馬具。老人抬起頭,渾濁的雙眼在看清來者時驟然點亮。
結衣的理性瞬間拉響警報,設想著各種可能的尷尬。但麗娜的雙腿已經躍下馬背,踉蹌著撲進老人懷中:「額布格!」這聲呼喚奇妙地融合了結衣沉靜的聲線與麗娜特有的高昂語調。
老人的手掌停在少女髮頂。身為景教守護者與薩滿後裔,他或許感知到了孫女靈魂中流淌的異質靈識,但那雙撫摸過無數牛羊的粗糙大手,只是堅定地揉了揉這顆「陌生」的頭顱,確認著血肉的真實溫度。
「回來就好。」他低語,聲音像被風磨礪過的岩石,「草原的風總會把迷路的孩子帶回家,不管她變成了什麼模樣。」
夜幕降臨後,老人從紅漆木箱深處取出一頂精心縫製的火狐皮帽。帽緣繡著景教十字與薩滿雲紋交織的古老圖樣,象徵著這個家族獨特的精神傳承。「給妳的。」他將帽子戴在少女頭上。柔軟的皮毛瞬間包裹住結衣蒼白的額際,巧妙掩去了那份與草原格格不入的精緻,只留下屬於蒙古少女的堅毅輪廓。
「戴著它,長生天會認得妳,風雪也凍不壞妳的聰明腦袋。」
This body radiated an astonishing heat, the temperature of life tempered by years of galloping in the wilderness and the sound of the horse-head fiddle. Yui's head, always heavy and cold from carrying thousands of sorrowful wishes, was now gently supported by this warm current from the chest. She was no longer the highest node issuing orders, but a traveler carefully guided by the body.
When the outline of the white yurt appeared on the horizon, Reina's body reacted before her consciousness. Her eyes moistened without warning, an affection born of life instinct. Outside the felt tent, a grandfather with a weathered face was looking down, organizing horse tack. The old man looked up, his clouded eyes lighting up suddenly upon seeing the arrival.
Yui's reason instantly sounded an alarm, imagining various possible embarrassments. But Reina's legs had already leaped off the horse, stumbling into the old man's arms: "Ebug!" This call wonderfully merged Yui's quiet voice with Reina's characteristic high-pitched tone.
The old man's palm rested on the girl's head. As a Nestorian guardian and descendant of shamans, he might have sensed the heterogeneous spirit flowing in his granddaughter's soul, but those rough large hands that had stroked countless cattle and sheep only firmly rubbed this "strange" head, confirming the true warmth of flesh and blood.
"It is good you are back." He whispered, his voice like rock polished by the wind. "The wind of the grassland will always bring lost children home, no matter what they become."
After nightfall, the old man took out a meticulously sewn fire fox fur hat from deep within a red lacquered wooden chest. The brim was embroidered with ancient patterns of intertwined Nestorian crosses and shamanic cloud motifs, symbolizing the family's unique spiritual heritage. "For you." He placed the hat on the girl's head. The soft fur instantly wrapped around Yui's pale forehead, cleverly hiding the refinement that was out of place on the grassland, leaving only the resolute outline belonging to a Mongolian girl.
"Wear it, Tengri will recognize you, and the wind and snow won't freeze your smart head."
「麗娜」的指尖輕撫狐毛的絨密質感,這一刻,所有關於結衣的自我認知與黃前家族的繁雜事務都悄然靜默。她凝視著老人眼中毫無保留的慈愛——這份愛不在意容貌的改變,只認得氈帳內這個熟悉的靈魂。她伸出雙臂緊緊擁抱爺爺,這既是麗娜身體的本能反應,也是結衣意識對「無條件接納」最珍重的回應。
第三日破曉,麗娜的身軀引領著這顆「聰明頭顱」,走向十里外一座古老的石堆。斑駁的石碑靜立在晨光中,上面鐫刻著元代的景教遺跡:十字架安然佇立在盛放的蓮花之上,周遭環繞著薩滿信仰的流雲與飛鳥。
結衣的意識瞬間喚醒知識庫存:「景教,基督教聶斯托利派,公元635年傳入長安,被羅馬教廷判為異端……」
但麗娜的手指已先於思考輕撫過石紋,感受那些被歲月磨平的刻痕。這裡的十字沒有刑具的沉重,沒有原罪的壓抑,而是與佛教蓮花、草原信仰共生共榮的神聖符號。
「妳看,」麗娜的心在胸腔中輕輕震顫,將這份悸動傳遞給結衣的意識,最終化作低語:「神不一定是嚴厲的父親,也可以化作溫柔的風。」
結衣閉上雙眼,試著調動「神無月」傳承的正統教會聖光。過往這些光芒總是如利劍般鋒利,此刻卻在麗娜身體的溫養下,與石碑上的「十字蓮花」產生共鳴,柔化成午後灑落草場的金色陽光。她參與了族人的祈禱儀式——蒼涼的古調交織著對長生天的祝禱,殘破的石碑在風中見證著一切。結衣的頭顱仍在解析著教義的差異,麗娜的心臟卻已在吟唱中觸摸到信仰的本質。
「原來……信仰也可以這樣自由地呼吸。」結衣在意識深處喃喃自語。她費盡心力構建的「再路由協議」,在這片天地間竟顯得如此多餘——彷彿這種包容與共生,本就是天地間最自然的真理。
"Lina's" fingertips gently stroked the dense texture of the fox fur. In this moment, all self-cognition regarding Yui and the complicated affairs of the Omae family fell silent. She gazed at the unreserved kindness in the old man's eyes—this love did not care about the change in appearance, only recognizing the familiar soul within the felt tent. She extended her arms and hugged her grandfather tightly. This was both the instinctive reaction of Reina's body and Yui's consciousness's most cherished response to "unconditional acceptance."
At dawn on the third day, Reina's body led this "smart head" to an ancient stone pile ten miles away. A mottled stone tablet stood quietly in the morning light, engraved with Yuan Dynasty Nestorian relics: a cross stood peacefully on a blooming lotus, surrounded by flowing clouds and flying birds of shamanic belief.
Yui's consciousness instantly awakened her knowledge reserve: "Nestorianism, the Nestorian sect of Christianity, introduced to Chang'an in 635 AD, condemned as heresy by the Roman Curia..."
But Reina's fingers had already brushed over the stone texture before thinking, feeling the marks smoothed by time. The cross here lacked the heaviness of a torture instrument and the suppression of original sin; instead, it was a sacred symbol living in symbiosis with the Buddhist lotus and grassland beliefs.
"Look," Reina's heart trembled gently in her chest, transmitting this throb to Yui's consciousness, finally turning into a whisper: "God isn't necessarily a strict father; He can also become a gentle wind."
Yui closed her eyes, trying to mobilize the orthodox Church holy light inherited by "Kannazuki." In the past, this light was always sharp as a sword, but now, nourished by Reina's body, it resonated with the "Cross Lotus" on the stone tablet, softening into the golden sunlight spilling onto the pasture in the afternoon. She participated in the clan's prayer ceremony—desolate ancient tunes intertwined with prayers to Tengri, the broken stone tablet witnessing everything in the wind. Yui's head was still analyzing doctrinal differences, but Reina's heart had already touched the essence of faith in the chanting.
"So... faith can breathe freely like this." Yui murmured deep in her consciousness. The "rerouting protocol" she had painstakingly constructed seemed so superfluous in this world—as if this tolerance and symbiosis were the most natural truth between heaven and earth.
頭顱的假期在奶茶氤氳的香氣與馬頭琴悠遠的低鳴中悄然流逝。最後一夜,她們一起躺在柔軟的草坡上,仰望這片未被光害侵染的純淨夜空。乳白色的星河自天際垂落,氈帳頂端的開口恰好框住一池碎鑽般的星輝。
頭顱與身軀在這片星空下靜默交流,回味著這段獨特的共生時光。麗娜的身體裡住著風的靈魂,而結衣的眼睛卻為這無形的風描繪出了形狀。她們都想向彼此道謝,卻發現這份感激早已在共享的生命體驗中融為一體,再也分不清該從何說起。
這些日子裡,結衣頭顱卓越的分析力如同最精密的儀器,將祖父口傳的那些晦澀景教經文一一記錄,甚至從殘缺的片段中還原出失傳已久的古祈禱詞;而麗娜充滿活力的身軀,則帶著這顆習慣沉思的頭顱體驗了肺部燃燒般的縱情奔馳,用掌心感受新生羊羔溫順的顫動。當結衣的意識陳述著冰冷的星象知識時,驅使手指伸向星空的力量,卻是麗娜心中對宇宙最原始的敬畏與憧憬。
就在這時,一道冰藍色的靈識訊號如流星般劃破夜空——是黃前綾瀨的召喚:「麗娜的頭部淨化已完成。結衣大人,該回來了。」
這道訊息瞬間凝結了草原的暖意。麗娜的心臟劇烈收縮,傳來被生生撕裂般的痛楚——這對「拼裝」的組合,早已愛上了彼此共生的完美節奏。
「要結束了呢。」這個自稱麗娜的意識輕聲低語,語氣中帶著前所未有的溫柔,「什麼結衣大人,我明明是麗娜啊。回去定要好好說說綾瀨……啊,不對,這不是麗娜會有的想法呢。」她的唇角泛起苦澀的弧度。
她緩緩起身,做出一個令人驚異的舉動——輕輕取下結衣的頭顱,透過那雙熟悉的眼眸,凝視著屬於自己的身體。即使這個暫時的個體即將解散,曾經緊密相連的心與腦,早已在靈魂深處刻下了永不磨滅的印記。
The head's vacation quietly passed amidst the fragrant steam of milk tea and the distant low hum of the horse-head fiddle. On the last night, they lay together on a soft grassy slope, looking up at the pure night sky untainted by light pollution. A milky way hung down from the horizon, the opening at the top of the felt tent framing a pool of diamond-like starlight.
Under this starry sky, head and body communicated silently, savoring this unique time of symbiosis. Reina's body housed a soul of wind, while Yui's eyes drew a shape for this invisible wind. They both wanted to thank each other, but found that this gratitude had long merged into one in the shared life experience, and they could no longer distinguish where to start.
In these days, the excellent analytical power of Yui's head was like the most precise instrument, recording the obscure Nestorian scriptures orally transmitted by the grandfather one by one, even restoring long-lost ancient prayers from fragmented segments; while Reina's vibrant body took this head accustomed to contemplation to experience the unrestrained galloping that made lungs burn, and feel the gentle trembling of newborn lambs with her palms. When Yui's consciousness stated cold astronomical knowledge, the power driving her fingers to reach for the starry sky was the most primitive awe and longing for the universe in Reina's heart.
Just then, an ice-blue spiritual signal cut through the night sky like a meteor—it was Omae Ayase's summons: "Reina's head purification is complete. Lady Yui, it is time to return."
This message instantly froze the warmth of the grassland. Reina's heart contracted violently, sending a pain like being torn apart alive—this "assembled" combination had long fallen in love with each other's perfect symbiotic rhythm.
"It's ending." The consciousness calling itself Reina whispered softly, with unprecedented gentleness in her tone, "What Lady Yui, I am clearly Reina. I must have a good talk with Ayase when I get back... Ah, no, this isn't a thought Reina would have." A bitter curve appeared on her lips.
She slowly stood up and did something astonishing—she gently removed Yui's head and, through those familiar eyes, gazed at the body belonging to herself. Even though this temporary individual was about to dissolve, the heart and brain that were once closely connected had long carved an indelible mark deep in the soul.
風拂過草原,草浪沙沙作響,如泣如訴。她將那頂繡著景教十字與薩滿雲紋的狐皮帽從結衣頭上取下,緊緊擁入懷中。
「再見了,草原。」她在心底默念。
「謝謝妳,『黃麗娜』。」結衣的意識以理性強行向麗娜的心索取感謝的動機,卻在念頭傳遞的瞬間,被心中湧起的暖流反饋回來。這份感動最終化作溫熱的淚水,從結衣的眼角靜靜滑落。
馬蹄踏碎晨露,向東奔行。在肉身與靈識即將重組的命運關頭,這具軀體依然與借來的頭顱緊密相連;來自不同生命的頸項如握手般交纏,彷彿正在擁抱另一個自己。風掠過髮絲,輕拂衣角,行囊中的狐皮帽隨著馬背的起伏微微顫動——它將成為神聖魔女胸腔裡永恆跳動的草原心臟,成為所有被邊界放逐的靈魂,在生命的裂隙中種出的第一朵、也是最美的一朵蓮花。
The wind brushed over the grassland, the waves of grass rustling like weeping. She took the fox fur hat embroidered with the Nestorian cross and shamanic cloud motifs from Yui's head and hugged it tightly to her chest.
"Goodbye, grassland." She silently recited in her heart.
"Thank you, 'Huang Lina'." Yui's consciousness used reason to forcibly demand a motive for gratitude from Reina's heart, but the moment the thought was transmitted, it was fed back by the warm current welling up in her heart. This emotion finally turned into warm tears, sliding silently from the corner of Yui's eyes.
Horse hooves shattered the morning dew, galloping eastward. At the fateful moment when flesh and spirit were about to reorganize, this body was still closely connected to the borrowed head; necks from different lives intertwined like a handshake, as if embracing another self. The wind swept through hair, lightly brushing the hem of clothes, the fox fur hat in the bag trembling slightly with the rise and fall of the horse's back—it would become the eternally beating grassland heart in the chest of the Holy Witch, becoming the first and most beautiful lotus grown in the cracks of life by all souls exiled by the border.
---
二、劍鬼的初次悸動:心跳一百二的東京散策
II. The Sword Demon's First Heartbeat: A Tokyo Stroll with a Heart Rate of 120
黃前紫英重現於世的第一個清晨,是被一陣細碎的撲翅聲驚醒的。
不是敵襲,也非靈力失調,而是一隻飛過窗櫺的麻雀。若是百年前的紫英,即使在刀光劍影的戰場,她的心也該如明鏡止水,精準判斷這生命的軌跡該斬該留,不泛一絲漣漪。
但此刻,當那團灰羽掠過視線,胸腔裡那顆借來的心臟竟猛地收縮——「好可愛!」
這股名為「憐愛」的情感電流未經大腦審核便竄向四肢。紫英那雙斬殺過無數幕府武士的手,竟笨拙地懸在半空,試圖虛抓那團飛逝的絨毛。
「……荒謬。」她凝視自己微微顫抖的指尖。
紫英盤腿打坐,自觀內在。她的頭腦依舊是那塊淬煉百年的寒鐵,存放著長崎海邊烈日下的屍臭、僧兵袈裟破裂的聲響,以及天草四郎那足以燎原的悲願。她的四肢依舊蘊含著千錘百煉的戰鬥本能,每一寸肌肉纖維都記得如何發力,如何閃避,如何一擊斃命。
然而,在這片原本只有「目標」與「執行」的死寂疆域裡,如今卻多出了一片洶湧的內海——一具柔軟堅韌的軀幹,以及一顆喋喋不休的「心」。
這顆最高節點的「心」,實在太吵了。
The first morning Omae Shiei reappeared in the world, she was awakened by a flurry of fluttering wings.
It wasn't an enemy attack, nor a spiritual imbalance, but a sparrow flying past the window lattice. If it were the Shiei of a hundred years ago, even on a battlefield of flashing swords and shadows, her heart should be as still as a bright mirror, precisely judging whether this life's trajectory should be cut or spared, without a single ripple.
But at this moment, when that ball of gray feathers swept past her vision, the heart borrowed within her chest contracted violently—"So cute!"
This current of emotion named "affection" rushed to her limbs without passing through the brain's review. Shiei's hands, which had slain countless shogunate samurai, hung clumsily in mid-air, trying to grasp that fleeting fluff in vain.
"...Absurd." She stared at her slightly trembling fingertips.
Shiei sat cross-legged in meditation, observing her interior. Her mind was still that piece of cold iron tempered for a hundred years, storing the stench of corpses under the scorching sun by the seaside of Nagasaki, the sound of tearing warrior monk kasayas, and Amakusa Shirō's sorrowful wish capable of starting a prairie fire. Her limbs still contained battle instincts tempered a thousand times; every inch of muscle fiber remembered how to exert force, how to dodge, how to kill with one blow.
However, in this dead silent territory that originally only had "target" and "execution," there was now a turbulent inner sea—a soft and resilient torso, and a chattering "heart."
This "heart" of the highest node was simply too noisy.
相較於紫英那顆早已在鍛打中剔除雜質的舊心,結衣的心像是一個塞滿了亂七八糟絲線的線團:信仰、懷疑、絕望、對母親的愛、對未來的恐懼……甚至還有對甜點那難以啟齒的渴望。即使剝離了具體的記憶與資訊,這顆心裡承載的情感,依然多得驚人。
「後輩啊,妳平日裡便是在這般轟鳴中踏步前行的嗎?」紫英苦笑,按住那鬱結卻強勁的搏動。
這也難怪。雖同為黃前家的造物,她們的起點截然不同。
紫英想起了家族名諱的由來——那是在烈焰中誕生的詛咒。在島原那場血戰中,天草四郎的悲願與憾恨,沾染了未在戰場的遺族與信徒,催生出黃前家族——「黃」字與「草」字形相近,上移的一橫象徵天草四郎被梟首的仇恨,而移入「日」字中的一豎,則是教眾被剖腹的悲愴。他們誓將陣列在殉難的天草四郎面前,有恨必復,其願必成,故以「黃前」為名。
紫英的血脈,在家族的刻意操作下,承繼自天草四郎的遠親、傳教士的直系,以及劍術名家的傳人。她是為了守護這份悲願而生的「劍」。她不需要雜念,只需將心技體化為最銳利的鋒芒。即使在最後一戰中,幕府兵的長槍刺穿她的心臟,也未曾激起一絲波瀾。
Compared to Shiei's old heart, which had long eliminated impurities in the forging, Yui's heart was like a ball of yarn stuffed with messy threads: faith, doubt, despair, love for her mother, fear of the future... and even an unspeakable craving for sweets. Even stripped of specific memories and information, the emotions carried in this heart were still surprisingly abundant.
"Junior, do you walk forward amidst such roaring on ordinary days?" Shiei smiled bitterly, pressing down on that knotted yet powerful beat.
It was no wonder. Though both creations of the Oumae family, their starting points were vastly different.
Shiei recalled the origin of the family name—a curse born in flames. In that bloody battle of Shimabara, Amakusa Shirō's sorrowful wish and regret tainted the survivors and believers not on the battlefield, giving birth to the Omae family—the character "黄" (Ou, "Yellow") is similar in shape to "草" (Kusa, "Grass"), the horizontal stroke moved up symbolizing the hatred of Amakusa Shirō being beheaded, and the vertical stroke moved into the "日" (Sun) character symbolizing the tragedy of the congregation being disemboweled. They swore to array themselves before the martyred Amakusa Shirō, avenging hatred and fulfilling wishes, hence the name "Oumae" (Before Yellow/Amakusa).
Shiei's bloodline, under the family's deliberate manipulation, was inherited from Amakusa Shirō's distant relatives, direct descendants of missionaries, and heirs of sword masters. She was a "sword" born to protect this sorrowful wish. She needed no distracting thoughts, only to turn heart, technique, and body into the sharpest edge. Even in the final battle, when the shogunate soldiers' spears pierced her heart, it did not stir a single ripple.
但結衣不同。這顆心經歷了太多。曲折、傷痛與背叛,沒有其他心比結衣的心體會過更多複雜的糾葛,以至於紫英腦海中任何微小的意念,都有能對應的情緒,都會在心中激起巨大的迴響。
「不習慣啊,不習慣,」紫英喃喃自語,「這喧囂簡直連死人都能吵活。」
但這既是最高節點寄放在「黃前紫英單元」的心,身為家族一員,她就有責任珍視與敬重。
「老身是黃前紫英,但這顆心讓我也不再是那個黃前紫英了。」她對自己宣告,「就讓我的頭顱、我的手足,跟隨著這顆心,照顧好『她』,看看能走出什麼路吧!」
除此之外,她還得好好教導這顆心,什麼是「黃前之劍」的覺悟……「啊喂!別這樣就動搖啊!」她對胸腔裡那顆敏感的心低吼,「擔心什麼?還有這副軟弱的軀幹,你不覺得自己該被好好操練嗎?不覺得?竟然不覺得?」
紫英深深嘆息,連該擺出什麼表情都不知道了。
「罷了,」她最終妥協,「不論家族或世道,都大不相同了。或許黃前已不再需要劍,老身還是得先學好怎麼在這個時代過活。」
But Yui was different. This heart had experienced too much. Twists, pain, and betrayal—no other heart had experienced more complex entanglements than Yui's, so much so that any tiny thought in Shiei's mind had a corresponding emotion that would trigger a huge resonance in the heart.
"Not used to it, not used to it," Shiei muttered to herself, "This noise could wake the dead."
But since this was the heart the highest node entrusted to the "Omae Shiei Unit," as a member of the family, she had the responsibility to cherish and respect it.
"This old body is Omae Shiei, but this heart makes me no longer that Omae Shiei," she declared to herself. "Let my head, my hands and feet, follow this heart, take good care of 'her,' and see what path we can walk!"
Besides, she had to teach this heart well what the resolve of the "Omae Sword" was... "Hey! Don't waver just like that!" She roared at the sensitive heart in her chest. "Worried about what? And this weak torso, don't you think you should be properly drilled? You don't? You actually don't?"
Shiei sighed deeply, not even knowing what expression to make.
"Fine," she finally compromised. "Whether the family or the world, everything is vastly different. Perhaps Omae no longer needs a sword. This old body still has to learn how to live in this era first."
透過靈識之海,她更新了古老的認知。當龐大的資訊流進腦海,整個人宛如接受天啟般顫動。在取得真正屬於自己的軀幹前,她唯一的任務是:跟著結衣的軀幹過生活。
「好好好,是是是!老身懂啦!」她對著那顆雀躍的心說,「妳這丫頭,送了心過來,其實是想找理由偷放假吧?順便試著當一回黃前紫英,讓老身替妳過過癮?」
那顆心似乎被戳穿了心事,不好意思地跳快了兩拍。
「呵,準了。」紫英會心一笑,「既然老身現在是這具身體的主人,就讓這把老骨頭,來學學怎麼用這顆心,當個『少女』。」
為了踐行誓言,紫英換上了現代裝束,踏入了名為原宿的戰場。
Through the sea of consciousness, she updated her ancient cognition. When the massive flow of information entered her mind, her whole being trembled as if receiving a revelation. Before obtaining a torso truly belonging to herself, her only mission was: to live with Yui's torso.
"Alright, alright, yes, yes! This old body understands!" She said to that jumping heart. "You girl, sending your heart over, actually wanted to find an excuse to take a secret vacation, right? And incidentally try being Omae Shiei for once, letting this old body satisfy you?"
That heart seemed to have its secret exposed and beat faster by two beats in embarrassment.
"Heh, granted." Shiei smiled knowingly. "Since this old body is now the master of this body, let these old bones learn how to use this heart to be a 'girl'."
To fulfill her vow, Shiei changed into modern attire and stepped onto the battlefield named Harajuku.
竹下通人潮如織,紫英的大腦本能地切換至索敵模式,評估每一個路人的威脅等級。但軀幹卻在歡呼,櫥窗裡的蕾絲裙喚起了悸動,空氣中的糖霜味催生了唾液。
「呃,好吧,要吃對不對?」在可麗餅店前,紫英用戰陣點兵的莊重,對店員說,「草莓鮮奶油……特盛。」
當店員遞來粉紅甜點的剎那,紫英右手驟動。
那是千錘百鍊的「居合」。
0.1秒的殘影,凌厲的風壓掀飛了店員的瀏海,而那支脆弱的甜筒已穩穩停在紫英手中,奶油紋絲未亂。
第一口咬下,大腦冷靜分析:「這滋味……對強體健魄,鍛心煉魂,一點好處也沒有。」然而心臟在吶喊:「活著真好!幸福是能咀嚼的!」
暖流從胃部炸開,填滿了百年的裂隙。紫英僵立在夕陽下,看著自己這雙殺人的手,正像捧著稀世珍寶般捧著一團鮮奶油,生怕捏碎了這份脆弱的歡愉。
接著她走過花店,被紛呈的香氣與色彩吸引,下意識走了進去。順著「心」的指引,她挑揀了一束花——審美來自紫英腦海裡的認知,但愉悅乃結衣之心的贈與。結帳後,她拿起花束,卻在準備踏出店門時,無意識地雙手握住花莖,右腳滑步,擺出了標準的持劍架勢。
玻璃門上映出了她的倒影——一個穿著可愛服飾的少女,卻滿臉殺氣地將花束當作兵器,彷彿那份美麗過於鋒利。
Takeshita Street was weaving with crowds. Shiei's brain instinctively switched to enemy search mode, assessing the threat level of every passerby. But the torso was cheering; lace skirts in shop windows evoked throbs, and the smell of icing sugar in the air stimulated saliva.
"Ugh, fine, you want to eat, right?" In front of the crepe shop, Shiei used the solemnity of reviewing troops to say to the clerk, "Strawberry whipped cream... extra large."
The moment the clerk handed over the pink dessert, Shiei's right hand moved suddenly.
That was the "Iai" tempered a thousand times.
A 0.1-second afterimage, the sharp wind pressure lifting the clerk's bangs, while that fragile cone had stopped steadily in Shiei's hand, the cream unruffled.
First bite, the brain calmly analyzed: "This taste... is of no benefit to strengthening the body or tempering the heart and soul." However, the heart was screaming: "It's good to be alive! Happiness is chewable!"
Warmth exploded from the stomach, filling the cracks of a hundred years. Shiei stood stiffly under the setting sun, looking at her killing hands holding a lump of whipped cream like a rare treasure, afraid of crushing this fragile joy.
Then she walked past a flower shop, attracted by the diverse scents and colors, and walked in subconsciously. Following the guidance of the "heart," she picked a bouquet—the aesthetic came from the cognition in Shiei's mind, but the joy was a gift from Yui's heart. After paying, she picked up the bouquet, but as she prepared to step out of the door, she unconsciously held the flower stems with both hands, sliding her right foot, assuming a standard sword-holding stance.
The glass door reflected her image—a girl wearing cute clothes, but holding a bouquet as a weapon with a murderous look, as if that beauty was too sharp.
「……」紫英尷尬地收起架勢,僵硬地扯出一個笑容。看來要當好一個普通少女,比斬殺幕府大將還要困難。
某個傍晚,雷雨將紫英困在屋簷下。雨滴敲打瓦片,喚醒百年前的記憶:暴雨混著泥濘,火槍轟鳴,同伴倒地的悶響,以及力竭前最後的祈禱。
對舊日的紫英而言,這些只能成為支撐劍鋒的冰冷經歷。但此刻,雨水滲透衣襟,寒意刺入軀幹,結衣的心臟突然劇烈絞痛。
這顆心不懂與幕府的征戰,卻懂得「痛苦」。它將施術石台的冰冷、被教會利用的孤獨、被程式阻擋的母愛,化成一串串波形不同的跳動,全數注入紫英的古老回憶。黑白膠卷瞬間上色:她重新感受起同伴臨終的顫抖,觸摸到他們赴死時灼熱的悲願。甚至當她回憶起隕落的戰友,準備以凜然的「覺悟」接受這份記憶時,那顆心泛起的濃稠「悲傷」裡,竟帶著一絲對殺戮本身的「厭惡」,讓她喉頭發緊。
眼淚無預警滑落。「這就是……創傷嗎?」紫英凝視指尖的晶瑩,「結衣……妳竟背負著如此熾熱的傷,奮鬥至今?」
她的舊心是鐵石,碎裂亦不流血;結衣的心是血肉,每次跳動都伴隨癒合與撕裂。紫英挺直腰桿,以劍豪的傲氣,包裹這顫抖的心臟:「別怕。既然我在,便由我替妳承受這份脆弱。妳只管跳動,其餘交給我的劍。」
"..." Shiei awkwardly put away her stance and stiffly pulled out a smile. It seemed being a normal girl was harder than slaying a shogunate general.
One evening, a thunderstorm trapped Shiei under the eaves. Raindrops beating on tiles awakened memories from a hundred years ago: heavy rain mixed with mud, the roar of muskets, the muffled sound of companions falling, and the last prayer before exhaustion.
For the Shiei of old, these could only be cold experiences supporting the sword edge. But at this moment, rainwater permeated the clothes, chill piercing the torso, and Yui's heart suddenly convulsed in pain.
This heart didn't understand the wars with the shogunate, but it understood "pain." It turned the coldness of the operation stone table, the loneliness of being used by the Church, the motherly love blocked by programs, into throbs of different waveforms, injecting them all into Shiei's ancient memories. Black and white film was instantly colored: she re-experienced the trembling of companions at their end, touching the scorching sorrowful wishes when they went to their deaths. Even when she recalled fallen comrades, preparing to accept this memory with awe-inspiring "resolve," the thick "sadness" rising in that heart actually carried a trace of "disgust" for slaughter itself, tightening her throat.
Tears fell without warning. "Is this... trauma?" Shiei stared at the crystal on her fingertip. "Yui... have you been carrying such a scorching wound, fighting until now?"
Her old heart was iron and stone, shattering without bleeding; Yui's heart was flesh and blood, every beat accompanied by healing and tearing. Shiei straightened her back, wrapping this trembling heart with the pride of a sword master: "Don't be afraid. Since I am here, let me bear this fragility for you. You just beat, leave the rest to my sword."
「假期」最後一日,紫英步入無人竹林。她折下青竹代劍,起勢時大腦沉入「無念無想」,四肢肌肉繃如弓弦。
但揮劍剎那,她放開了壓制,允許少女的心緒湧入劍路。可麗餅的甜膩、雨夜的淚水、櫥窗的閃耀,都化成了一剎那的洪流。
「喝!」竹枝劃破空氣,發出嘆息般的低鳴。劍氣橫掃,竹葉如雪紛落,卻未傷竹幹分毫。
若說昔日之劍為「斬斷」,那今日之劍則是「包容」。這是不完美的劍法,卻是她此生最美的一劍。
「原來如此,」紫英拋下竹枝,按著劇烈搏動的胸口,「所謂『少女』,非關柔弱,而是敢於用血肉之心感知萬物,擁抱受傷的勇氣。」
On the last day of the "vacation," Shiei stepped into an unmanned bamboo forest. She broke a green bamboo as a sword. When assuming the stance, her brain sank into "no thought, no mind," limb muscles taut as bowstrings.
But the moment she swung the sword, she released the suppression, allowing the girl's mood to flood into the sword path. The sweetness of the crepe, the tears of the rainy night, the sparkle of the shop window, all turned into a momentary torrent.
"Hah!" The bamboo branch cut through the air, emitting a low hum like a sigh. Sword energy swept across, bamboo leaves falling like snow, yet not harming the bamboo trunks in the slightest.
If the sword of the past was for "severing," then the sword of today was for "embracing." This was imperfect swordsmanship, yet the most beautiful sword of her life.
"So that's it," Shiei dropped the bamboo branch, pressing her violently beating chest. "The so-called 'girl' isn't about weakness, but the courage to perceive all things with a heart of flesh and blood, and to embrace injury."
歸還軀幹的時刻到了。紫英沒有不捨。她整衣肅立,感受這具軀體最後的溫熱。
家族已告知,為她準備的新軀體,來自遭逢不幸的平凡少女,相較「最高節點」的聖魔之軀,太過脆弱,太過易感。
但那又如何?
紫英閉眼微笑,嘴角勾起一抹未曾有的弧度。古老的劍靈不再畏懼溫柔——她的腦海中,已烙印著能證明她「活著」的,那些看似微不足道的「雜訊」。
「回去吧,結衣。」她對虛空低語,指尖輕觸心口。
月光穿透竹林,在她肩頭灑落星斑。即將離去的軀幹輕微顫抖,彷彿那顆借來的心在無聲告別。
這並非結束。這是孤獨劍鬼第一次學會,用血肉的溫度去愛這荒謬人間。
The time to return the torso had arrived. Shiei had no reluctance. She straightened her clothes and stood solemnly, feeling the last warmth of this body.
The family had informed her that the new body prepared for her came from an unfortunate ordinary girl, far too fragile and sensitive compared to the "highest node's" saint-demon body.
But so what?
Shiei closed her eyes and smiled, the corner of her mouth curving up in an arc never seen before. The ancient sword spirit no longer feared gentleness—her mind was already branded with those seemingly insignificant "noises" that proved she was "alive."
"Go back, Yui." She whispered to the void, fingertips lightly touching her heart.
Moonlight pierced through the bamboo forest, scattering star spots on her shoulders. The departing torso trembled slightly, as if that borrowed heart was saying a silent farewell.
This was not the end. This was the first time the lonely Sword Demon learned to love this absurd human world with the warmth of flesh and blood.
---
三、靈刃與星光:綾瀨的維修手記
III. Spirit Blade and Starlight: Ayase's Repair Notes
當「黃前結衣單元」徹底解散,最後一件部件也送往歸處後,綾瀨背倚著冰冷的石壁,緩緩吐出一口壓抑許久的氣息。懸念終於落地,取而代之的卻是更加深邃的空洞,像被掏去了心臟般無所依憑。
她護送那雙沉默的腿步入隔絕的靜室,當指尖從門扉滑落的瞬間,淚水悄無聲息地滑落。
「結衣大人,真的哪裡都不在了……」即便明知只是暫別,但結衣的存在被如此中止,對綾瀨而言,整個世界都失去了旋轉的軸心。
家族中無人能及她對結衣的執著。那份感情早已超越了尊敬與憧憬,化作連她自己都無法完全理解的、近乎病態的愛戀。
她取出一件寬鬆的深藍色連衣裙和一雙白色薄底涼鞋——這不過是接受施術時穿著的便利服裝,樣式樸素得近乎蒼白。但正是這尋常的織物,曾包裹過那個正在消散的奇蹟。
「這是……那一刻的結衣大人。」她將衣物緊緊擁入懷中,彷彿這樣就能留住正在消逝的溫度。
When the "Omae Yui Unit" was completely disbanded and the last part sent to its rightful place, Ayase leaned back against the cold stone wall, slowly exhaling a breath held for a long time. The suspense had finally landed, replaced by a deeper emptiness, unsupported as if her heart had been gouged out.
She escorted those silent legs into the isolated quiet room. The moment her fingertips slid off the door, tears fell silently.
"Lady Yui, really isn't anywhere anymore..." Even knowing it was only a temporary parting, Yui's existence being suspended like this meant the entire world lost its axis of rotation for Ayase.
No one in the family could match her obsession with Yui. That feeling had long surpassed respect and admiration, turning into an almost pathological love that even she herself couldn't fully understand.
She took out a loose dark blue dress and a pair of white thin-soled sandals—this was merely convenient clothing worn during the operation, plain to the point of paleness. But it was this ordinary fabric that had once wrapped that fading miracle.
"This is... Lady Yui of that moment." She hugged the clothes tightly to her chest, as if this could retain the fading warmth.
走進空無一人的秘儀之間,回憶如潮水湧來。那場驚心動魄的維修歷歷在目:
幽冥的冷光下,她的指尖凝聚靈力,緩緩刺入結衣的脊椎。指尖傳來靈力接觸的輕微斥力,還有皮膚的彈性、韌帶的纖維感,最終抵達靈絡核心時那微妙的震顫。這一切都透過她的手指,深深鐫刻在靈魂深處。
「綾瀨,手很穩呢,靈力操作也很有技巧。」結衣趴在石台上,聲音虛弱卻帶著笑意。
「請別說話,大人。」她壓低聲音,手上的動作放得更輕,「靈力迴路正在重組。」
表面上是為了專注施術,真實的原因卻是她的心跳早已失控,勉強維持的平靜隨時都會決堤。
當結衣的身體開始順從她編織的指令,惶恐與狂喜同時撕裂著她——卑微如她,竟在指使著這樣的光芒?
回憶的漩渦將她吞沒。綾瀨脫下自己的衣裳,將結衣的衣物穿上身。
Walking into the empty ritual chamber, memories surged like a tide. That thrilling repair was vivid in her mind:
Under the cold light of the netherworld, her fingertips condensed spiritual power, slowly piercing into Yui's spine. Her fingertips felt the slight repulsion of spiritual contact, the elasticity of skin, the fibrous feel of ligaments, and finally the subtle vibration upon reaching the core of the spiritual network. All this was deeply engraved in the depths of her soul through her fingers.
"Ayase, your hand is very steady, and your spiritual power manipulation is skillful too." Yui lay prone on the stone table, her voice weak but carrying a smile.
"Please do not speak, my Lady." She lowered her voice, lightening the movements of her hands even more. "The spiritual power circuits are reorganizing."
Superficially, it was to focus on the operation, but the real reason was that her heartbeat had long been out of control, and her barely maintained calm could burst at any moment.
When Yui's body began to obey the commands she wove, fear and ecstasy tore at her simultaneously—humble as she was, actually commanding such radiance?
The vortex of memory swallowed her. Ayase took off her own clothes and put on Yui's clothing.
「請原諒我的無禮,結衣大人。既然您暫時不在,就請允許我用這卑微的軀殼,偽裝出您還在的幻象。」
她躺上冰冷的石台,意識彷彿從身體抽離,從外部審視著這個可笑的儀式。她從靈識之海悄悄調取「黃前結衣單元」的部件標記,將它們一一標註在自己身上。
此刻,這具被結衣衣物包裹的身軀,成了神聖魔女的拙劣贗品。這顆心臟在模仿結衣的搏動;這雙腳在演繹被聖光灼燒的痛楚;這雙手在重現觸摸法術奧秘時的顫抖。
極致的僭越與褻瀆,讓綾瀨在劇烈的內在撕裂裡,品嚐到了扭曲的滿足。
在成為黃前綾瀨之前,她有著另一個名字:山上綾瀨。
"Please forgive my rudeness, Lady Yui. Since you are temporarily absent, please allow me to use this humble shell to feign the illusion that you are still here."
She lay on the cold stone table, consciousness seeming to detach from the body, examining this ridiculous ritual from the outside. She quietly retrieved the component markers of the "Omae Yui Unit" from the sea of consciousness and marked them on herself one by one.
At this moment, this body wrapped in Yui's clothes became a clumsy counterfeit of the Holy Witch. This heart was imitating Yui's beat; these feet were enacting the pain of being scorched by holy light; these hands were reproducing the trembling of touching magical mysteries.
The ultimate transgression and blasphemy allowed Ayase to taste a twisted satisfaction amidst the violent internal tearing.
Before becoming Omae Ayase, she had another name: Yamagami Ayase.
那時的家中,父親用書本為她搭建起整片星空。「我們綾瀨的眼睛,總是像星星一樣閃閃發光呢。」他總愛輕撫她的髮頂,語氣裡滿是期許,「將來一定會成為了不起的人。」
母親烤餅乾的香氣常駐客廳,年長六歲的哥哥像個忠誠的守護者,在灑滿陽光的庭院裡扶著腳踏車後座:「別怕!哥哥在這!」
直到那場席捲世界的瘟疫帶走了父親,也帶走了她尚未展開的未來。
母親的世界在瞬間崩塌。當「世界和平之翼」的白袍使者帶著溫柔話語降臨時,絕望的母親如溺水者緊抓浮木,渾然不覺那救命的繩索正深深勒進血肉。
家中的擺設漸漸被教會徽記取代,父親的藏書被鎖進閣樓,取而代之的是一本本聖人語錄。母親的話題三句不離「導師的啟示」。
家中陳設逐漸被教會徽記佔領,父親的藏書被鎖進閣樓深處,取而代之的是一本本聖人語錄。母親開口閉口都是「導師的啟示」;家,漸漸變成陌生的神殿。
正是在那時,綾瀨的「詛咒」悄然甦醒。
In the home of that time, her father built a whole starry sky for her with books. "Our Ayase's eyes always sparkle like stars." He loved to stroke the top of her head, his tone full of expectation. "You will definitely become an amazing person in the future."
The aroma of mother baking cookies resided in the living room, and her brother, six years older, was like a loyal guardian, holding the back seat of the bicycle in the sun-drenched courtyard: "Don't be afraid! Big brother is here!"
Until that plague sweeping the world took away her father, and also took away her yet-to-unfold future.
Mother's world collapsed in an instant. When the white-robed messengers of "Wings of World Peace" descended with gentle words, the desperate mother clung to the driftwood like a drowning person, unaware that the lifeline was digging deep into flesh and blood.
The furnishings in the house were gradually replaced by Church emblems, father's book collection locked in the attic, replaced by volumes of saintly quotations. Mother's conversation never strayed three sentences from "The Mentor's Revelations."
The home gradually turned into a strange temple.
It was then that Ayase's "curse" quietly awakened.
她與生俱來的敏銳成了雙刃劍,輕易刺穿「博愛」面具下的排他本質,看透「清貧」誓言背後的貪婪。當母親將父親畢生積蓄轉入教會帳戶時,綾瀨終於鼓起勇氣:「母親,聖經上明明說……」
「閉嘴!」那眼神比父親的棺木更刺骨,「妳已被世俗的邪惡蒙蔽了雙眼!」
哥哥成了她唯一的氧氣。他放棄了夢寐以求的大學,日夜打工,總在深夜歸來時,將粗糙手掌中溫熱的紙幣塞進她手心:「綾瀨,妳和我不一樣。一定要繼續讀書,離開這個家。」
這份溫暖,是她抓住現實的最後繩索——直到那個將一切焚毀的夜晚。
毀滅的導火線是一場爭吵。母親發現了哥哥藏起的學費——那是他耗盡心血為綾瀨鋪設的生路——竟欣喜若狂地全數「奉獻」給教會。
Her innate keenness became a double-edged sword, easily piercing the exclusive nature under the mask of "fraternity," seeing through the greed behind the vow of "poverty." When her mother transferred her father's life savings to the Church account, Ayase finally summoned the courage: "Mother, the Bible clearly says..."
"Shut up!" That look was more bone-chilling than her father's coffin. "Your eyes have been blinded by worldly evil!"
Her brother became her only oxygen. He gave up the university he dreamed of, working day and night, always stuffing warm bills from his rough palms into her hand when returning late at night: "Ayase, you are different from me. You must continue studying and leave this home."
This warmth was the last rope she held onto reality—until that night that burned everything down.
The fuse of destruction was a quarrel. Mother discovered the tuition fees brother had hidden—the path of survival he had exhausted his heart's blood to pave for Ayase—and ecstatically "dedicated" it all to the Church.
深夜,疲憊歸來的哥哥面對空無一物的錢箱,最後的理智終於崩斷。
瘋狂的質問只換來母親歇斯底里的詛咒:「我在為你們滌清不敬神的罪孽!你們都被惡魔引誘,要毀了這個家!」
筋疲力盡的哥哥最後看了綾瀨一眼,那眼神複雜得讓她終生難忘——絕望、歉疚,與某種可怕的決絕。
當夜,他帶著汽油衝進教堂,將華麗祭壇與「導師」的講台付之一炬。沖天火光中,他的身影宛如一個燃燒的十字架。
「我沒有這個兒子!」母親的哭喊將最後的羈絆也一併斬斷。
家,徹底碎了。
Late at night, the exhausted brother faced the empty money box, and his last rationality finally snapped.
Crazy questioning only brought mother's hysterical curses: "I am cleansing your sins of impiety! You are all seduced by demons, trying to destroy this home!"
The exhausted brother looked at Ayase one last time. That look was so complex she would never forget it—despair, guilt, and a terrible resolve.
That night, he rushed into the church with gasoline, torching the magnificent altar and the "Mentor's" podium. In the sky-high flames, his figure was like a burning cross.
"I have no such son!" Mother's crying shout severed the last bond as well.
The home was completely shattered.
綾瀨獨自站在河邊,看著流水無情地吞噬夕陽餘暉。冰冷的河水低語著誘惑:沉淪吧,沉淪就不必再追問「為何愛總以傷害示人」,不必再背負「是我的敏銳害了哥哥」的罪疚。
「河水,很冷吧。」
一個聲音輕輕切斷了死神的絮語。
綾瀨回首,看見了剛從戰場歸來的結衣。深藍長髮與夜色交融,胸前的十字架還沾染著妖魔的血污。她周身沒有聖潔的光環,唯有眼底積澱著比深淵更沉重的疲憊,與比鋼鐵更堅毅的光芒。
「但活著,才能找到答案。」結衣向她伸出手,提供一個「可以繼續尋找答案」的歸處。
那隻手並不潔淨,佈滿戰鬥的傷痕與血污,卻比任何一雙「純淨」的手都更溫暖、更真實。
Ayase stood alone by the river, watching the flowing water ruthlessly swallow the sunset's afterglow. The cold river water whispered temptation: sink, sink and you need not ask "why love always shows itself as hurt," need not bear the guilt of "it was my keenness that harmed brother."
"The river water is cold, isn't it?"
A voice gently cut off the Grim Reaper's chatter.
Ayase looked back and saw Yui just returning from the battlefield. Her dark blue long hair merged with the night, the cross on her chest still stained with demon blood. There was no holy halo around her, only a weariness heavier than the abyss accumulated in her eyes, and a light more resolute than steel.
"But living is the only way to find answers." Yui extended her hand to her, offering a place "to continue searching for answers."
That hand was not clean, covered with battle scars and bloodstains, but it was warmer and more real than any pair of "pure" hands.
思緒如潮水退去,回到這片寂靜的秘儀之間。綾瀨憶起第一次為結衣「維修」的場景——儘管是應結衣所求,當靈刃劃過那纖細頸項,切斷流轉的靈絡時,她聽見自己內心崩塌的聲音,碎如齏粉。完成所有精細調整後,面對靜置一旁的結衣頭顱,她顫抖地劃破指尖,讓自己的血珠滴入那具無頭身軀的頸部。
「我的靈識探入過她最深的傷痕,而今我的血在她體內流淌……」躺在石台上的綾瀨無聲低語。她在結衣神聖的存在裡,偷偷摻入了自己卑微的印記。
這份私心,配得到寬恕嗎?
說起寬恕——她永遠無法原諒那個奪走她家人的「神」,卻甘願為眼前這個不斷自毀又重生的「魔女」傾盡所有。即便上帝真的存在,她也只願對結衣獻上全部的敬愛。
多麼諷刺。當世人因信稱義,她卻是「信了不義」。「信」本是為了「仰」,可她交出了最珍貴的「信」,卻彆扭地對「仰」不屑一顧。
幸好,她遇見了結衣。那份無處安放的「仰」,終於有了歸宿。
Thoughts receded like a tide, returning to this silent ritual chamber. Ayase recalled the scene of "repairing" Yui for the first time—although it was at Yui's request, when the spirit blade cut across that slender neck, severing the flowing spiritual network, she heard the sound of her own heart collapsing, crumbling into powder. After completing all precise adjustments, facing Yui's head placed aside, she tremblingly cut her fingertip, letting her own blood drop into the neck of that headless body.
"My spiritual consciousness has probed into her deepest wounds, and now my blood flows within her..." Ayase, lying on the stone table, whispered silently. She secretly mixed her own humble mark into Yui's sacred existence.
Does this selfishness deserve forgiveness?
Speaking of forgiveness—she could never forgive the "God" who took her family, but was willing to give everything for this "Witch" before her who constantly self-destructed and was reborn. Even if God truly existed, she would only offer all her reverence and love to Yui.
How ironic. When the world is justified by faith, she "believed in unrighteousness." "Faith" was originally for "looking up to," but she handed over the most precious "faith," yet awkwardly disdained "looking up to."
Fortunately, she met Yui. That "looking up to" which had nowhere to rest finally found a home.
「我是個性格扭曲的異端,對聖潔過敏,卻在無盡的渾濁中開出花來。」綾瀨在心底對自己坦白。
她想起仍在獄中的哥哥。真自私啊——哥哥為她焚毀了未來,她卻拋棄了「山上」之名,成為「黃前」,甚至在自己的存在中都刻滿了結衣的印記。
「哥,對不起。」綾瀨闔上雙眼,淚水悄無聲息地滑落,浸濕了結衣裙裝的領口。「但請你安心。我雖然放棄了學業,卻找到了更豐饒的歸宿。眼裡的光或許不再純粹,可它仍在閃爍……大概吧?」
"I am a heretic with a twisted personality, allergic to holiness, yet blooming flowers in endless turbidity." Ayase confessed to herself in her heart.
She thought of her brother still in prison. How selfish—brother burned the future for her, yet she abandoned the name "Yamagami," became "Omae," and even carved Yui's marks all over her own existence.
"Brother, I'm sorry." Ayase closed her eyes, tears sliding silently, soaking the collar of Yui's dress. "But please be at ease. Although I gave up my studies, I found a richer destination. The light in my eyes may no longer be pure, but it is still flickering... probably?"
上次開庭時,哥哥在陳述中說,他不在意自己要服刑多久,更關心的是這個社會——能否不再有家庭因邪教而支離破碎?也許,他與重塑了黃前家族的結衣大人,本質上相似?他們都飽嘗苦難,背負著沉重的十字架,卻依然試圖在黑暗中鑿出一線光明。
恍惚間,哥哥決然離去的背影,與結衣獨自前行的姿態漸漸重合。他們都是背負著罪孽與希望,在絕境中開路的殉道者。
「晚安,結衣大人。」
綾瀨蜷縮在冰冷的石台上,將自己深深埋入那件寬大的深藍色連衣裙中。布料上依稀殘存的氣息,彷彿同時擁抱著兩個她生命中最重要的人。
「還有……最喜歡的哥哥。」
在幽暗的秘儀之間,她藉著這份虛妄的溫暖,終於尋得了片刻破碎的安寧。
During the last court session, her brother said in his statement that he didn't care how long he had to serve, but cared more about this society—could families no longer be torn apart by cults? Perhaps, he and Lady Yui who reshaped the Omae family were essentially similar? They both tasted suffering, bore heavy crosses, yet still tried to chisel a ray of light in the darkness.
In a trance, the figure of her brother leaving resolutely and Yui's posture walking alone gradually merged. They were both martyrs paving the way in desperate situations, burdened with sin and hope.
"Goodnight, Lady Yui."
Ayase curled up on the cold stone table, burying herself deep into that large dark blue dress. The faint residual scent on the fabric seemed to embrace the two most important people in her life simultaneously.
"And... my dearest brother."
In the dim ritual chamber, borrowing this illusory warmth, she finally found a moment of broken peace.










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