113c The Disappearance Of Black Cat (III)

Previous episode:
http://taoyundao.blogspot.tw/2015/05/113b-disappearance-of-black-cat-ii.html

    As Mei-Xian's recapturing and reconstructing of herself went on (http://taoyundao.blogspot.tw/2015/01/112d-you-raise-myself-up-iv-episode-123.html), some mutations happened to Huang Ru-Jun. She became aware of her difference with normal people--

    Recently I have a strange feeling. I doubt that I am not just what I think I should be.

    For example, what is this?

    Yeah, it's my torso, I know. But that's not what I mean. I say, I don't really understand it. "My torso" implies it's not me, just a physical part of my body, like spare parts to a machine. However, ridiculously, I do know it's me, and I don't know why.

    When I "observe" my torso, it always acts so robotically such that I think I can find wires and springs from it, but that's it's mask. I am there, not "here". I was generated from the deepest place inside my torso and projected to "here".

    Well, dear myself, if you want to disguise yourself as a biological machine, then I shall open your hatch and click your critical button; if you want to pretend to just be a normal girl Huang Ru-Jun, then I will dig you out of you! I will dismantle you, manipulate you, research you then alter you, till I find my true heart inside you.

    I, give me back to me! I, come out from Huang Ru-Jun! Right now!
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    ............

    What's happened?

    Wow, okay, I know, I already know. Surrounding me, I know there are two realities. Well, that's good.

    When I look at "this side", I will see those imperfect components of me as Huang Ru-Jun showing in front of my eyes, like my silly face, foolish wide head, short legs with bad shape and vulgar feet; however, when I turn back and look at "another side", I can find "another me" there.

    Another me is totally different with this me. That me is taller and slimmer and has a exquisite figure. She is smart, mighty and elegant; she is the one who I want myself to be and waits for me to be her.

    Oh, yes. How can I forget it? That me, her name is Black Cat. I am Black Cat, the mighty witch!

    Welcome back, I.
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    The property of Black Cat had transformed most of Huang Ru-Jun, only her legs remained on the original reality temporarily. Black Cat was watching those legs from another reality.

    I must say sorry to you, legs. I can't admit you as my legs easily; in fact, I even don't want to admit that I have legs.

    That's not your fault, it's mine. I used to view you as the symbol of Huang Ru-Jun, the real but not perfect me. Such that, I put all my unwanted properties into you, and pretend that you're just Ru-Jun's legs.

    However, that's not correct.

    Ru-Jun's legs bear me to exist in the real world, Ru-Jun's feet touch the Earth for connecting me to the rerality. I have to appreciate you, thank you very much.

    You, Ru-Jun's legs, carry Ru-Jun so well, I have seen. Now Ru-Jun is also Black Cat, so please let me take you two to be Black Cat's legs, all right?

    I love you, my legs, Alisa & Siren.
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    Black Cat had taken her entire self back to the reality she exists. She checked each of her own components, and she perceived that those components were all converted form Huang Ru-Jun's. How could she disdain Huang Ru-Jun since she was composed of Ru-Jun's parts? No Huang Ru-Jun, no Black Cat.

    Considered about that, Black Cat decided to "take off" the Black Cat's property from her components before she reformed herself, and then she reassembled those Ru-Jun's parts to be her. That was, Black Cat wanted herself to be Ru-Jun first while she came back to her original reality agin. She shrunk her Black Cat property into her core, the black cat (http://taoyundao.blogspot.tw/2014/05/black-cats-pseudo-family-black-cat.html).

    I am Black Cat, but I am just the normal girl Huang Ru-Jun now-- even not the "improved" Huang Ru-Jun in this original reality.

    Honestly, I really feel uneasy to be this Ru-Jun, especially when I already recall that I am Black Cat. Being Ru-Jun, I know it's my desire that drives me to become Black Cat to escape from this imperfect normal girl; but even I can be Black Cat, I'm still Huang Ru-Jun.

    I must make up with my real self. Sorry Black Cat, please embrace me even though you don't like how I am; sorry Ru-Jun, please forgive me since I despise you even though I come from you.

    I am so glad to meet you, my dear self, Black Cat/Huang Ru-Jun. Thank you for being me.