113b The Disappearance Of Black Cat (II)

Previous episode:
http://taoyundao.blogspot.tw/2015/04/113a-disappearance-of-black-cat-i-about.html

    Hello, my name is Huang Ru-Jun, a normal 17 years old girl, as normal as you can find everywhere. Although I am a Chinese Taoyundaonian, my family inhabit the Japanese zone from many many years ago. I can speak both Cantonese-Chinese and Japanese, but I score higher in Japanese, and most of my best friends are also Japanese. Sometimes I have the feeling that I am actually a Japanese, though I am not, haha. After all, I'm a Huang, not a Suzuki or Tanaga. My name always shows the difference between I and my friends...

    I am a high school girl, and I study in the Catholic Hanahara girls' high school of home economics-- the school that can be considered as a school for disciplining brides. Well, I'm not smart enough to go to the college. Besides, I have a Catholic family, so it's so natural for my parents to send me into a Catholic school. Of course, I am a sincere Catholic Christian, too. My parents teach me that I shall make myself to be faithful and pure from my childhood, and they help me carefully to keep the Spirit in me.

    However, as a Christian, I still have some surreal imaginations and illusions which aren't that Christian. For example, I have the feeling that there does exist witches and wizards, I don't know why. The weirdest illusional feeling of mine is that sometimes I can "leave" myself, I can observe myself outside me. The scene is so realistic such that I can't judge whether it is true or not.

    In such case, I can see my entire body, and I'm not sure that it is mine. I know that it is Huang Ru-Jun, but what is the Huang Ru-Jun to me? The Huang Ru-Jun consists of short limbs, thick shanks, chubby torso and broad hip, and other things like that. To me, I feel those components of Huang Ru-Jun don't just have their physical meanings, they also form the existence of Huang Ru-Jun.

    I can see this Huang Ru-Jun while she is walking, eating, talking, and even looking at herself. Humph? You say go to the toilet? Oh, don't mention that, please. Can you image the feeling of seeing some ugly thing coming out of your own body? That's very uncomfortable! The most incongruous feeling happens in the time when I go to church. I can see myself when I knee down and pray to the God. I am so religious and joyful when I enjoy the grace of God, and I do know it. But... maybe it's somehow unrespectful to say that, but when I see my heart is given away to others, even it's given to the Father, I still can't feel reconciled about it. I have the subtle emotion of wanting to grab my heart and bring it back to me. That's an incorrect emotion I know, but I can't stop it. Every time when I meet such case, I always cry hard. Dear Father, please forgive me...

    Okay! Stop talking about sad things. Had I said anything about my virtual friend? Sometimes I feel I do see a pair of disembodied legs around me. Those legs are blessed and empowered, they belong to a faithful holy lady, though I don't know who she is. I feel that she should be my best friend, if she really exists.

    Those legs can be the weapon for breaking the evil, can be the crucifix for protecting the good. Their owner is a kind and determinded, she devote herself to expel the demon, and she take care of me very gently. Perhaps she is an imaginary friend of mine, but I cherish our relation very much. If one day I can meet her, I will say thank you very much to her.

    Moreover, I even can see my parts while I still "stick on" myself-- I think those are my parts, don't ask me why. Those parts aren't in the same form of existed ones. For exmple, my virtual legs become long and slim, they are much more beautiful than my real legs.

    It seems that those virtual parts of me can act somehow autonomously. Very strange, isn't it? I will view those virtual parts as parteners of forming me if they are true. They support me in every aspect. It will be my honor of being the one who consists of them. Hey! Parteners! I am so pround of you all, can you come true one day?