後日談：雪泥鴻爪
Epilogue: Footprints in the Snow
自御神櫻決意攜著神櫻步入人間，與萬千面容的靈魂不期而遇，於塵世每一轉角，同每一顆真心共感交鳴之刻起，她便不再僅僅是那座被供奉於神社的「神櫻巫女」了。
她的故事，自此如櫻吹雪般散入街巷。以下是其中三則「相遇」的片段。它們無需沉重的緣起，也不必綿延的後續。恰如東坡居士所言：
人生到處知何似，應似飛鴻踏雪泥；泥上偶然留指爪，鴻飛那復計東西。
雪終將消融，爪印亦會模糊，然那交會的一瞬，已成為彼此生命裡無比真實的刻痕——短暫，卻優美地存在過。
From the moment Mikami Sakura decided to walk amongst humanity with Shin-ou, encountering souls of a thousand faces and resonating with every sincere heart at every turn of the mortal world, she was no longer merely the "Shrine Maiden of Shin-ou" enshrined within the temple walls.
Her story, from then on, scattered into the streets and alleys like a blizzard of falling cherry blossoms. Below are three fragments of such "encounters." They require no heavy origins, nor do they need lengthy continuations. Just as the poet Su Shi once wrote:
To what can human life be likened?
It should be like a flying goose treading upon snow and slush;
Accidentally leaving a claw print in the mud,
Before flying off, heedless of east or west.
The snow will eventually melt, and the claw prints will blur, but that moment of intersection has become an undeniably real etching in each other's lives—fleeting, yet beautifully existent.
---
其一 我是女生
我的名字是松島法子。在旁人眼中，我大概只是個再普通不過的上班族——每日擠在沙丁魚罐頭般的電車裡通勤，在辦公室的格子間敲打鍵盤，偶爾為同事遞上一杯熱茶。生活像一捲循環播放的錄音帶，重複著單調的節奏。然而，在這具被社會定義為「女性」的軀殼深處，蟄伏著連我自己都無法直視的靈魂：我長久以來，誤以為是「男性」的靈魂。
請別誤會，這並非出自對男性身份的嚮往。坦白說，就我平日觀察——那些在職場上好鬥爭勝、在酒桌上高談闊論、情感世界貧瘠得如同水泥地的生物——若真能選擇，我絕不願成為他們的一員。
只是，我沒得選擇——我喜歡女生。
我痴迷於女性周身流淌的柔軟氣息，那是一種混雜著嚮往與愛慕的牽引。我沉醉於她們千姿百態的美好：精緻的容顏，流動的曲線，一顰一笑間蘊藏的豐沛情感。女性如水，能注入任何容器，卻從不失卻內在的韌性；她們的衣著、神態乃至氣息，編織出一個絢麗多彩的世界。相比之下，男性世界在我看來，總是顯得過於單調、堅硬，輪廓分明得帶有潛在的威脅感。
既然我的心如此純粹地為女性悸動，那麼，我理應是個「男性」，對吧？我當然知曉「蕾絲邊」的存在，也曾試圖在那裡尋求歸屬，卻始終感到格格不入。
我的喜愛，並非源於同性別間的情慾共鳴。在逐次的探究中，我逐漸明瞭：我渴望邂逅的女性，大概還是會喜歡上男性的。
然而造化弄人，賦予我的，偏偏是一具女性的身體。
這份矛盾如同無形的枷鎖，日日緊勒，令我窒息。身為社會定義下的「女性」，我必須履行與之相配的表演：工作日，我將自己塞進剪裁合身的OL套裝。它們如同第二層皮膚，緊緊包裹、勾勒出我想隱藏的胸部、腰肢與臀部。這些線條本不該屬於我。
腳下的高跟鞋，更是荒誕的刑具，強迫我的小腿呈現出所謂「優美」的弧度。那「叩叩」的清脆聲響，每一步都像踩在我的尊嚴上，嘲諷著我內在的認同。
臉上的妝容，則是一筆一畫，將「女性」的標籤深深刻進我的五官。被精心描畫的眉眼與唇色，將我偽裝成一朵待價而沽的花。唯有那一頭利落的短髮，是我對這一切最後的沉默抵抗。
在我的感知裡，靈魂早已與這具肉身剝離。我像個冷漠的旁觀者，看著社會的期望如無數惡蛇，纏繞著這具身體，強行塑造出它所定義的女性特徵。我的內在無比蒼白，如同設定好程式的機器，驅動著名為「松島法子」的人偶，動作流暢，應對得體。我只是日復一日地上緊發條，完成那名為「人生」的任務。
I. I Am a Girl
My name is Matsushima Noriko. In the eyes of others, I am probably just the most ordinary of office workers—squeezed into sardine-can trains for the daily commute, typing away at a keyboard in an office cubicle, occasionally pouring tea for colleagues. Life is like a cassette tape on a loop, repeating a monotonous rhythm. However, deep within this shell that society defines as "female," lies a soul that even I cannot look at directly: a soul that I have long mistakenly believed to be "male."
Please do not misunderstand; this does not stem from a longing for a male identity. Frankly, based on my daily observations—those creatures who are combative in the workplace, who talk loudly at drinking parties, whose emotional worlds are as barren as concrete—if I truly had a choice, I would never wish to be one of them.
It is simply that I have no choice—I like girls.
I am obsessed with the soft atmosphere that flows around women, a pull that is a mixture of longing and adoration. I am intoxicated by their myriad forms of beauty: exquisite faces, flowing curves, the abundant emotions hidden in a frown or a smile. Women are like water, able to fill any container without ever losing their inner resilience; their clothing, their demeanor, and even their scent weave a brilliant and colorful world. In comparison, the male world, to me, always seems too monotonous, too hard, with sharp outlines that carry a potential sense of threat.
Since my heart throbs so purely for women, I ought to be "male," right? I am aware of the existence of "lesbians," and I have tried to find belonging there, yet I have always felt out of place.
My affection does not stem from a resonance of desire between the same sex. Through gradual introspection, I came to understand: the women I yearn to meet would probably still fall in love with men.
Yet fate plays tricks on people; what was bestowed upon me is, undeniably, a female body.
This contradiction is like an invisible shackle, tightening daily, suffocating me. As a socially defined "female," I must perform the role that matches it: on workdays, I stuff myself into tailored office lady suits. They are like a second skin, tightly wrapping and outlining the breasts, waist, and hips I wish to hide. These lines should not belong to me.
The high heels on my feet are absurd instruments of torture, forcing my calves into a so-called "graceful" curve. That crisp clack-clack sound; every step feels like stomping on my dignity, mocking my inner identity.
The makeup on my face is a stroke-by-stroke carving of the "female" label deep into my features. Carefully drawn brows, eyes, and lip color disguise me as a flower waiting to be sold. Only my short, sharp haircut is my final, silent resistance against it all.
In my perception, my soul has long been peeled away from this flesh. I am like an indifferent bystander, watching society's expectations coil around this body like countless snakes, forcibly shaping the female characteristics it defines. My interior is incomparably pale, like a programmed machine driving a doll named "Matsushima Noriko," moving fluidly, responding appropriately. I simply wind up the spring day after day to complete the mission called "life."
唯有假日，我才能稍稍喘息。甩開套裝和高跟鞋，洗去臉上的脂粉，換上修身的深色長褲、簡約的貼合襯衫，和擦擦得鋥亮的休閒皮鞋，我才感覺「我」回來了。然後，我會出門尋找「光」。別誤會，我不是要欺騙感情，就只是迫切需要靠近那些發光的個體，需要從她們身上汲取那份美好，來滋養我乾涸的靈魂，讓我能在這個世界裡苟延殘喘。
那個夏夜，涼風習習，我聽說附近的神社有祭典。我興致勃勃地前往，心裡盤算著今晚能遇到什麼樣的邂逅。
祭典果然不曾讓我失望。昏黃的燈籠光暈灑滿參道，將穿著浴衣的女孩們映照得愈發動人。她們或執團扇輕搖，姿態優雅；或品嘗蘋果糖，神情閒適；或與同伴嬉笑，眉眼靈動。為了配合浴衣，她們頭髮不是盤起，就是紮個清爽的馬尾，露出了纖細而白嫩的頸項，散發著女性特有的溫婉氣息。
到了會場，果然沒讓我失望。昏黃溫暖的燈籠光下，到處都是穿著浴衣的女孩。有的優雅地搖著團扇，有的閒適地吃著蘋果糖，有的可愛地與同伴嬉鬧。為了搭配浴衣，她們頭髮不是盤起，就是紮個清爽的馬尾，露出了纖細白嫩的頸項，散發著女性特有的溫婉氣息。
是呀，女生就是這麼棒。光是看著她們，就能讓人暫時忘記現實的折磨。
我雙手插在口袋裡，目光漫不經心地巡弋。然後，在熙攘人潮中，我看見了她。
她靜立如溫潤明珠，周身自然流瀉著清輝。紫黑色秀髮泛著綢緞光澤，襯出幾分古典韻致。淺紫底色的浴衣上散落細碎櫻紋，鵝黃腰帶在暮色中格外醒目。當她微微側首，精雕細琢的五官在燈下顯露，恍若神明詮釋美的傑作。但最攝人心魄的，是那舉手投足間渾然天成的從容，與飽滿內在透出的安穩氣度。
就是她了。我深吸一口氣上前，拿出反覆排練過的開場白：
「晚上好，妳的浴衣真好看，上面的花紋很特別呢。」
她回眸，眼中星輝流轉，唇角淺笑：「謝謝，是櫻花與流水紋。你也喜歡祭典的氛圍嗎？」
Only on holidays can I breathe a little. Throwing off the suit and heels, washing the powder from my face, and changing into slim dark trousers, a simple fitted shirt, and polished casual leather shoes—only then do I feel that "I" have returned. Then, I go out to find "light." Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to deceive anyone emotionally; I just urgently need to be near those glowing individuals, to draw that beauty from them to nourish my parched soul, so that I can linger on in this world.
That summer night, with a cool breeze blowing, I heard there was a festival at a nearby shrine. I went with great interest, wondering what kind of encounter I might have tonight.
The festival did not disappoint. The warm, dim glow of lanterns spilled over the approach, making the girls in yukata appear even more moving. Some waved round fans with elegance; some tasted candied apples with a relaxed air; some laughed and played with companions, their eyes lively. To match their yukata, their hair was either pinned up or tied in a fresh ponytail, revealing slender, fair necks, radiating a gentleness unique to women.
Yes, girls are just that wonderful. Just looking at them makes one temporarily forget the torture of reality.
I kept my hands in my pockets, my gaze wandering casually. Then, in the bustling crowd, I saw her.
She stood quietly like a warm, luminous pearl, a clear radiance naturally flowing around her. Her purple-black hair had the sheen of silk, bringing out a touch of classical charm. Her light purple yukata was scattered with fine cherry blossom patterns, and her goose-yellow sash was striking in the twilight. When she tilted her head slightly, her finely chiseled features were revealed under the light, like a masterpiece of beauty interpreted by a god. But what was most captivating was the natural composure in her every gesture, and the stable air that came from a full inner self.
She was the one. I took a deep breath and approached, using the opening line I had rehearsed repeatedly:
"Good evening. Your yukata is really beautiful; the pattern is quite unique."
She looked back, starlight flowing in her eyes, a faint smile on her lips: "Thank you. It's a pattern of cherry blossoms and flowing water. Do you like the atmosphere of the festival too?"
出乎意料地順利。她並沒有像一般獨身女性那樣對陌生搭訕者保持警戒，也沒有刻意為之的矜持。我們從祭典緣起，聊到最近看的書，再到城市角落裡不起眼的美食。
她的言談如清泉流淌，知識廣博卻不賣弄，親切間自有分寸。和她交談，彷彿漫步春日的庭園，每一步都有花開的驚喜，每一息都沁著舒心的芬芳。她完美契合了我對理想女性的全部想像。
我們沿著參道並肩徐行，任攤位燈火與人聲笑語在身畔流淌。忽然她腳步一滯。
「哎呀。」她輕聲低呼，原來是木屐的帶子鬆脫了。
「沒事吧？」我連忙扶住她的手臂，觸感溫潤柔軟。
「不好意思，木屐有點不聽話了。」她歉然一笑。
「那邊有個安靜的角落，我們去那裡處理一下吧。」我扶著她，走到神社後方一處僻靜的角落，遠離人群的喧囂。
我讓她坐下，自己單膝跪地，替她取下木屐，笨拙地嘗試繫緊那裂成兩段的帶子。
她沒有催促，只是靜靜地看著我的動作。
「妳很熟練呢，照顧人這方面。」她突然開口，聲音輕柔得像夜風。
「呃，還好啦，習慣了。」我指尖微顫，動作不由得慢了半分。
It went unexpectedly smoothly. She didn't maintain a guard against a stranger's approach like most single women, nor did she have any affectations of reserve. We talked about the origins of the festival, recent books we'd read, and the unassuming gourmet food in the corners of the city.
Her conversation flowed like a clear spring; she was knowledgeable but not showy, intimate yet with boundaries. Talking to her was like strolling through a spring garden; every step held the surprise of a blooming flower, every breath was infused with a soothing fragrance. She perfectly fit my entire imagination of an ideal woman.
We walked side by side along the path, letting the lights of the stalls and the laughter of the crowd flow around us. Suddenly, her steps faltered.
"Oh my," she exclaimed softly. The strap of her geta sandal had come loose.
"Are you alright?" I quickly supported her arm. It felt warm and soft.
"I'm sorry, my geta is being a bit disobedient," she smiled apologetically.
"There's a quiet corner over there. Let's go fix it." I supported her as we walked to a secluded spot behind the shrine, away from the noise of the crowd.
I had her sit down, and I knelt on one knee, taking off her geta and clumsily trying to retie the broken strap.
She didn't rush me, just quietly watched my movements.
"You're very skilled, aren't you? At taking care of people," she said suddenly, her voice as soft as the night breeze.
"Uh, I guess so. I'm used to it." My fingertips trembled slightly, and my movements slowed by half a beat.
就在我努力平復心情，埋首於那根頑固的木屐帶時，夜空炸開第一朵煙火。絢爛的光彩瞬間傾瀉而下，照亮她仰起的臉龐——那嘴角噙著的一抹笑意，純粹得比夜空所有的花火更令人心顫。在那一霎，我的心防被擊碎，如同琉璃般迸裂，蟄伏已久的情感終於決堤。
我再次低下頭，手指無意識地纏繞著那根帶子，彷彿它是救命稻草。那些深埋心底的祕密，就這麼伴隨煙火的鳴響流淌而出。我說起了日夜撕扯我的錯亂，對這具身體的厭棄，那個自以為是「男性」的靈魂，還有對女性世界既嚮往又無法融入的絕望。言語支離破碎，我像個自暴自棄的孩子，將最不堪的內心赤裸攤開。
不知說了多久，直到最後一個音節消散在夜色裡。她靜靜地聽著，沒有驚詫，沒有憐憫，那洞悉一切的目光卻異常溫暖，彷彿一雙無形的手，輕柔地穿透我所有偽裝，觸及了那在黑暗中蜷縮太久，正在瑟瑟發抖的核心。
在這片虛脫般的靜默中，奇異的氛圍，悄然漫溢。
難以言喻。一股蘊藏神性的溫柔氣息，從她浴衣之下的軀體，悠悠散發。那不是香氣，不是熱度，而是一種……「存在」的狀態，寧靜、包容，無比強大。
她似有所覺，垂首輕撫胸口，唇角漾起瞭然的微笑。
「是神櫻呢，」她的聲音輕柔得像夜風的低語，「祂也想和妳說說話。」
剎那間，我「看見」了光。非目之所及，而是靈魂直接感知的輝煌。那定是櫻色——溫暖輕柔，卻蘊含無窮生機。盛夏的夜空下，彷彿全世界的櫻花，都盛開在這一刻。
我不知道發生了什麼事，驚訝地張大嘴巴，手裡的木屐掉在地上。
她赧然淺笑，隨後做出了令我終生難忘的舉動。
只見她雙手托住自己臉頰，輕輕向上一舉——她的頭顱，就這麼與身體分開了，被她捧在自己的手掌心。
Just as I was trying to calm myself, burying my head in that stubborn strap, the first firework exploded in the night sky. Brilliant colors cascaded down instantly, illuminating her upturned face—the smile playing at the corners of her mouth was purer and more heart-trembling than all the fireworks in the sky. In that instant, the defenses of my heart were shattered, cracking like glazed glass, and the emotions that had been dormant for so long finally burst the dam.
I lowered my head again, my fingers unconsciously winding around the strap as if it were a lifeline. The secrets buried deep in my heart flowed out with the booming of the fireworks. I spoke of the confusion that tore at me day and night, the self-loathing for this body, the soul that thought it was "male," and the despair of yearning for the female world but being unable to integrate into it. My words were fragmented; I was like a child who had given up on herself, laying bare the most unbearable parts of my heart.
I don't know how long I spoke, until the last syllable dissipated into the night. She listened quietly, without surprise, without pity. Her gaze, which seemed to understand everything, was incredibly warm, like a pair of invisible hands gently penetrating all my disguises to touch the core that had curled up in the darkness for too long, shivering.
In this silence that felt like exhaustion, a strange atmosphere quietly overflowed.
It was indescribable. A gentle aura containing divinity drifted from her body beneath the yukata. It wasn't a scent, nor heat, but a state of... "existence." Serene, encompassing, and incredibly powerful.
She seemed to sense it, bowing her head to stroke her chest, a knowing smile rippling on her lips.
"It is Shin-ou," her voice was as soft as the whisper of the night wind. "It wants to talk to you too."
In an instant, I "saw" light. Not with my eyes, but a brilliance perceived directly by the soul. It must be sakura-colored—warm and gentle, yet containing infinite vitality. Under the midsummer night sky, it was as if all the cherry blossoms in the world were blooming at this moment.
I didn't know what was happening; I opened my mouth in surprise, and the geta in my hand fell to the ground.
She smiled shyly, then performed an action I would never forget for the rest of my life.
She cupped her own cheeks with both hands and gently lifted upward—her head separated from her body just like that, held in the palms of her own hands.
這畫面本應可怕得讓我尖叫逃跑，然而我完全沒有那種感覺。一切都顯得那麼自然、那麼神聖，彷彿本就如此。
被捧著的容顏依然含笑，明眸清澈如初；無頭的軀幹端坐如儀，流轉著櫻色光暈。
「神櫻知曉妳的痛楚，」她的聲音自掌心傳來，輕柔卻直抵靈魂深處，「但痛苦未必只能是痛苦；正如喜歡，也未必是你所以為的那種喜歡。」
我茫然望著這超現實的景象，腦海一片空白。
「身份，更從來不該是自我設限的牢籠。」她繼續說道，「如同我明明不是神，卻承載著神；我明明是人，卻又不完全是人。這份曖昧，何嘗不是一種自由？」
看著這不可思議的一幕，內心卻異常平靜。我明明不知道什麼是神櫻，此刻卻感到無比的熟悉與信賴。突然間，我篤定地明瞭了一件事：神櫻不是她，卻又是她。而這場相遇，將是我這輩子最值得珍惜的一瞬。
萬千無形的櫻花如泉湧般自神櫻流瀉，每一瓣都在以獨特的姿態舒展綻放。凝視著這番景象，我忽然意識到——世間女子不也正是如此？各有其態，各具其美，共同編織出這多彩人間。
名為「頓悟」的閃電擊中我，如同劃破夜空的流星，照亮了我混沌的內心。
我對女性的喜愛，原來可以如此純粹——就只是欣賞，只是戀慕，如同靜觀一朵花的綻放，品味一幅畫的意境。抱持這份情感，何必非要冠以「男性」的身份？何必執著於佔有？
那麼，即使深深為女性著迷，我也未必就是男性，對嗎？
困擾我半生的那道等式，在這一刻悄然崩解。
若我非屬男性，那這具與生俱來的軀殼，便不再是錯誤的囚籠。
我也是女生，對不對？
所以這個名為「松島法子」的存在，是否本來就該被納入我所鍾愛的那片「美好」？
漫天花雨輕柔飛舞，彷彿在為我的覺醒輕聲祝賀。她含笑將捧著的頭顱遞來，我顫抖著雙手，如承接聖物般小心翼翼捧住。近看那雙紫晶般的眼眸，其中倒映的星河，彷彿要將我引入無垠宇宙。
This scene should have been terrifying enough to make me scream and run, yet I felt nothing of the sort. Everything seemed so natural, so sacred, as if this was how it was meant to be.
The face being held still smiled, eyes as clear as before; the headless torso sat dignified and proper, flowing with a sakura-colored aura.
"Shin-ou knows your pain," her voice came from her palms, soft but reaching straight to the depths of my soul. "But pain does not necessarily have to be just pain; just as liking does not necessarily have to be the kind of liking you think it is."
I stared blankly at this surreal scene, my mind blank.
"Identity should never be a cage of self-limitation," she continued. "Just as I am clearly not a god, yet I carry a god; I am clearly human, yet not entirely human. Isn't this ambiguity also a kind of freedom?"
Looking at this incredible scene, my heart was incredibly calm. I clearly didn't know what Shin-ou was, yet at this moment, I felt an immense familiarity and trust. Suddenly, I understood one thing with certainty: Shin-ou was not her, yet was her. And this encounter would be the most cherishable moment of my life.
Thousands of invisible cherry blossoms flowed from Shin-ou like a spring, each petal unfolding and blooming in a unique posture. Gazing at this sight, I suddenly realized—aren't the women of the world just like this? Each with her own form, each with her own beauty, weaving together this colorful human world.
A lightning bolt named "epiphany" struck me, like a meteor cutting through the night sky, illuminating my chaotic heart.
My love for women could be so pure—just appreciation, just admiration, like quietly watching a flower bloom, savoring the mood of a painting. Holding this emotion, why must I crown it with a "male" identity? Why obsess over possession?
So, even if I am deeply fascinated by women, I am not necessarily male, am I?
The equation that had troubled me for half my life quietly disintegrated at this moment.
If I do not belong to the male gender, then this body I was born with is no longer a wrong cage.
I am a girl too, aren't I?
So, should this existence named "Matsushima Noriko" have rightfully been included in that "beauty" I so cherish from the start?
The sky full of flower rain danced gently, as if softly congratulating my awakening. Smiling, she held out her head to me. With trembling hands, I accepted it carefully, as if receiving a sacred relic. Looking closely into those amethyst-like eyes, the galaxy reflected within seemed about to draw me into the boundless universe.
此時，她那無首的身軀輕盈靠近，張開雙臂，將我溫柔環抱。
兩具同樣柔軟的軀體透過薄衫，緊緊相貼——我那被詛咒了二十餘年的身軀，此刻正領受著神櫻的溫熱。奇妙的是，我的身體彷彿認得這份觸碰，竟主動迎上前去，成為祂的「軀幹同伴」，以「女性」這共通的本質，共鳴著生命的美好。在肌膚相親的溫暖中，我恍惚聽見自己的身體正對神櫻細語——訴說這些年獨自承受的冷眼，那些被否定、被厭棄的日日夜夜。一股灼熱的歉意自心底湧現，幾乎要將我淹沒。
「是呀，她已是神櫻的摯友了。」依舊安臥在我掌中的容顏凝望著我們相擁的身軀，眼含欣慰，笑盈盈地說，「從今往後，可不許再欺負她。」
在那懷抱中，我融化了。經年累月的堅冰與冷硬，如春雪般消逝。該被詛咒的從來不是這具身體，而是我對自身女性特質的疏離、厭棄與恐懼。
我是女生。
我就是女生。
是那個……我應該要去喜歡、去擁抱的女生啊！
熱淚奪眶而出，不是悲傷，而是滌淨靈魂的釋然與感恩。感謝她，感謝神櫻，更在心底向這具身體、向那個被壓抑已久的「法子」，致上最深切的歉意。
神跡之夜終將落幕，我們在鳥居下相視而別，未留隻字片語——這場相遇本就是超越凡俗的贈禮。
重返日常，萬物如舊。但我知道，有些東西已徹底改變。
週末獨自踏入百貨公司，女裝專櫃的燈光溫柔灑落。「歡迎光臨！」店員的問候讓我下意識瑟縮。
「我……我想看看洋裝。」我聽見自己以乾澀的聲音回應。
就從找回自己本來的面貌開始吧！
目光掠過那些曾覺得與己無緣的洋裝，最終選定一襲淡黃素雅的款式。轉至鞋櫃，一雙粉櫻色的細跟涼鞋映入眼簾。
當雙足輕盈地沒入鞋履，精緻的線條彷彿要引我起舞。安坐鏡前，雙手輕壓裙襬，低頭卻見圓潤的趾尖從鞋頭微探，如俏皮的少女朝我眨眼。
At this moment, her headless body approached lightly, opened its arms, and gently embraced me.
Two equally soft bodies pressed tightly together through thin shirts—my body, cursed for over twenty years, was now receiving the warmth of Shin-ou. Miraculously, my body seemed to recognize this touch and actively moved forward to meet it, becoming a "companion of the torso" to It, resonating with the beauty of life through the shared essence of "female." In the warmth of skin touching skin, I vaguely heard my own body whispering to Shin-ou—telling of the cold stares endured alone over the years, the days and nights of being denied and loathed. A scorching apology welled up from the bottom of my heart, almost drowning me.
"Yes, she is already Shin-ou's best friend," the face still resting peacefully in my palms gazed at our embracing bodies, eyes full of relief, and said with a smile, "From now on, you aren't allowed to bully her anymore."
In that embrace, I melted. The years of ice and hardness vanished like spring snow. It was never this body that should have been cursed, but my alienation, loathing, and fear of my own feminine qualities.
I am a girl.
I am really a girl.
I am... that girl I should have liked and embraced!
Hot tears burst from my eyes, not of sadness, but of a relief and gratitude that cleansed the soul. Thank you to her, thank you to Shin-ou, and deep in my heart, I offered the deepest apology to this body, to the "Noriko" who had been suppressed for so long.
The night of miracles eventually came to a close. We parted under the torii gate with a look, leaving no words behind—this encounter was a gift beyond the mundane.
Returning to daily life, everything was as before. But I knew something had changed completely.
That weekend, I walked alone into a department store, the lights of the women's clothing section falling gently. "Welcome!" The clerk's greeting made me subconsciously shrink back.
"I... I want to look at dresses," I heard myself respond in a dry voice.
Let's start by reclaiming my true face!
My gaze swept over the dresses I had once felt were unrelated to me, finally settling on a simple, elegant pale yellow style. Moving to the shoe section, a pair of pink sakura-colored stiletto sandals caught my eye.
When my feet slipped lightly into the shoes, the exquisite lines seemed to invite me to dance. Sitting before the mirror, hands gently pressing the hem of the dress, I looked down to see my rounded toes peeking from the shoes, winking at me like a playful young girl.
啊啊……這誰？這衣服，這鞋……所妝點的，又是哪位窈窕淑女？難道是我？原來，我也能是我鍾愛的那種美好？
一股熱意自心中湧現，我慌忙用手捂住因而發燙的雙頰。
雖然開心，還是好害羞啊！
Ah... who is this? These clothes, these shoes... which fair lady do they adorn? Is it me? Could it be that I, too, can be the kind of beauty I cherish?
A heat surged from my heart, and I hurriedly covered my burning cheeks with my hands.
Even though I'm happy, I'm still so shy!
---
其二 斬魔龐克
「你好。敝姓杉山，在中島商社任職，職位是課長。若不嫌棄的話，這是我的名片……」
「鈴——！」
鬧鐘的尖嘯如鐵鉗般將我從夢境扯出。我喘息著，額角冒出冷汗。是夢嗎？可夢中那重複千遍的鞠躬、那刻入骨髓的公式笑容，竟比現實更顯真切，如同一場永無謝幕的排演。
匆匆踏上通勤之路，被壓縮在車廂裡，身體隨之搖晃，思緒卻飄向了近日最頭疼的家務事——所煩惱的是我的女兒，美奈實。
她曾經是多麼乖巧的孩子啊，身著規整校服，烏髮如瀑，滿牆獎狀見證著她的優秀。可自從她進了高中那個什麼……熱音社？一切都變了。髮絲染作霓虹，身上金屬飾品叮噹作響，緊身皮衣包裹著她抽長的軀體。每當我與妻子過問，總換來她不耐的揮手：「你們大人不懂！這叫龐克！是搖滾的精神！」
唉，我那昔日的模範女兒，究竟迷失在何方？電車到站的提示音響起，我只能將這聲嘆息連同自己，一併塞進那名為「公司」的盒子。
身為社畜，白日的工作從未隨著夕陽落幕——還得與同僚在居酒屋「培養情誼」，直至夜色深沉。當我終於拖著灌鉛的雙腿踏上末班電車，窗外星辰已寥落得讓人心悸。
步出車站，熟悉的街道在路燈下異常沉寂。空氣中的生機正被悄然抽離，連蟲鳴都銷聲匿跡。帶著七分醉意，我不禁自嘲：該不會⋯⋯遇上不乾淨的東西了？
豈料一語成讖。
刺骨陰風驟然捲地而起，殘存的酒意瞬間蒸發。我本能地閉目再睜——眼前的景象讓血液為之凍結。
熟悉的街道消失了！取而代之的，是扭曲、昏沉的異樣光景。腐敗的腥臭撲鼻而來，黑暗中浮現無數雙飽含惡意的血瞳。那些形狀詭異、瘴氣纏身的怪物，我曾在恐怖漫畫裡見過，但未曾想過它們現身於此——是妖魔？！
不待我反應，魔物已如潮水湧來。恐懼攫住心臟，我跌撞逃竄。但一介中年上班族的腳程，豈能快過這些異界惡鬼？利爪撕裂西裝，在身上劃開灼熱的痛楚。溫熱的液體不斷湧出，力氣隨之流失。我終究踉蹌倒地，絕望地注視著醜惡面容與垂涎巨口逼近。
完了……這就是終點了嗎？對不起啊，美奈實，爸爸還沒能讀懂妳的「搖滾」……
就在意識即將被黑暗吞噬之際，兩道雷霆般的身影，悍然殺入戰場！
「咻——鏘！」
新月般的銀亮刀光閃過，最近處的兩隻妖魔應聲斷裂！與此同時，佈滿尖刃的長鞭如毒蛇出洞，纏上側翼妖魔的脖頸——清脆的骨碎聲令人齒寒。
劫後餘生的我顫抖望去，待看清救星真容時，呼吸為之一滯——那竟然是……一雙腿？！
一雙線條優美卻蘊藏爆發力的腿，套著緊貼肌膚的亮黑色皮褲——更準確地說，那僅是殘破的褲管，邊緣撕裂如絮。足蹬前衛的粗跟涼鞋，金屬扣環閃爍冷光。這風格……讓我不由自主地想起了美奈實最近的裝扮。
大腿根部再無他物，唯有兵刃自靈光中延伸成形。左腿凝結一柄流轉銀輝的薄刃太刀，鋒芒逼人；右腿延展出佈滿猙獰骨刺的慘白長鞭，如活物般律動伸縮。
在蜂擁而至的魔潮中，那雙腿跳起了令人目眩神迷的戰舞。時而重踏地面，激起靈力震波；時而凌空迴旋，劃出銀色軌跡。太刀斬落如流星墜地，將妖魔連同瘴氣一分為二；長鞭揮灑似蛇群狂舞，刺耳的破空聲伴隨著骨骼碎裂的鳴響。每一個關節的屈伸都蘊含完美力道，足掌輕點間便完成攻防轉換，而揮舞的武器好似長了眼睛，總能攻向妖魔的所在，彷彿整片戰場都是它們的舞台。
II. Demon-Slaying Punk
"Hello. My name is Sugiyama, working at Nakajima Trading, position Section Chief. If you wouldn't mind, here is my business card..."
"Ring—!"
The alarm clock's screech tore me from my dream like iron pincers. I gasped for breath, cold sweat beading on my forehead. Was it a dream? But the thousands of repeated bows in the dream, the formulaic smile carved into my bones, seemed more real than reality, like a rehearsal that would never end.
I hurriedly embarked on my commute, compressed into the train carriage, my body swaying with it, but my thoughts drifted to the biggest headache at home lately—my worries about my daughter, Minami.
What a well-behaved child she used to be, dressed in a neat uniform, raven hair like a waterfall, a wall full of certificates testifying to her excellence. But ever since she entered high school and joined that... Light Music Club? Everything changed. Her hair was dyed neon, metal accessories clinked on her body, and tight leather clothes wrapped her lengthening frame. Whenever my wife and I asked, we were met with an impatient wave of her hand: "You adults don't get it! This is Punk! It's the spirit of Rock!"
Sigh, where has my model daughter gone? The notification sound for the train arriving at the station rang out, and I could only stuff this sigh, along with myself, into the box named "Company."
As a corporate wage slave, the day's work never ended with the setting sun—I still had to "cultivate relationships" with colleagues at the izakaya until deep into the night. When I finally dragged my lead-filled legs onto the last train, the stars outside the window were sparse enough to make my heart palpitate.
Stepping out of the station, the familiar street was unusually silent under the streetlights. The vitality in the air was being quietly drained away; even the insects had fallen silent. With a mind seven-tenths drunk, I couldn't help but mock myself: Did I... run into something unclean?
Unexpectedly, my words turned into a prophecy.
A bone-chilling wind suddenly whipped up from the ground, instantly evaporating my remaining drunkenness. I instinctively closed my eyes and opened them again—the scene before me froze my blood.
The familiar street was gone! Replaced by a twisted, dim, alien landscape. The stench of rot assailed my nose, and countless pairs of malicious, bloody eyes emerged from the darkness. Those bizarrely shaped monsters wrapped in miasma, I had seen them in horror manga, but never thought they would appear here—Demons?!
Before I could react, the monsters surged like a tide. Fear seized my heart, and I stumbled and fled. But how could the legs of a middle-aged salaryman outrun these otherworldly fiends? Sharp claws tore through my suit, carving burning pain across my body. Warm liquid gushed out continuously, and my strength drained away. I eventually stumbled and fell, staring in despair as the hideous faces and drooling maws approached.
It's over... is this the end? I'm sorry, Minami, Dad still hasn't been able to understand your "Rock"...
Just as my consciousness was about to be swallowed by darkness, two lightning-like figures boldly crashed into the battlefield!
"Whoosh—Clang!"
A crescent-like silver blade flashed, and the two nearest demons were instantly severed! Simultaneously, a long whip covered in sharp blades darted out like a poisonous snake, wrapping around the neck of a demon on the flank—the crisp sound of breaking bones was chilling.
Having survived the disaster, I looked over trembling, and when I saw the true face of my savior, my breath hitched—it was actually... a pair of legs?!
A pair of legs with beautiful lines yet hiding explosive power, clad in shiny black leather pants that clung to the skin—or more accurately, only tattered pant legs, the edges torn like cotton. The feet wore avant-garde chunky-heeled sandals, metal buckles gleaming coldly. This style... involuntarily reminded me of Minami's recent outfits.
There was nothing above the thighs, only weapons forming from spiritual light. The right leg condensed a thin tachi blade flowing with silver radiance, its edge threatening; the left leg extended a ghastly white whip covered in ferocious bone spurs, pulsating and extending like a living thing.
Amidst the swarming tide of demons, those legs danced a dazzling war dance. Sometimes stomping heavily on the ground, kicking up shockwaves of spiritual power; sometimes spinning in mid-air, tracing silver trajectories. The tachi fell like a meteor, splitting demons and miasma in two; the long whip swayed like a wild dance of snakes, the piercing sound of breaking air accompanied by the crack of shattering bones. Every flexion and extension of the joints contained perfect force; offense and defense switched with a light tap of the sole, and the wielding weapons seemed to have eyes, always striking where the demons were, as if the entire battlefield was their stage.
更令人震撼的是，即便躲過兵刃的妖魔企圖近身，也討不到便宜。下一秒，不是被落下的鞋跟踩碎頭顱，就是被足尖的踢擊貫穿怪胸膛，或者被膝撞裂胸肋，甚至腳踝輕旋便能折斷襲來的利爪。
這雙腿將殺戮昇華為藝術——每一個部位都是武器，每個動作都暗藏殺機。它們時而如芭蕾舞者般輕盈躍動，時而像重金屬樂手般狂暴踐踏，舞出生命與死亡互相撞擊的一曲。墨綠血液與碎裂骨肉在空中飛濺，與那雙腿上新添的傷痕交織成詭譎的圖騰。皮質褲管逐漸殘破，光潔肌膚綻開血痕，但戰鬥的節奏反而愈發狂烈。在血腥與聖光交纏的空間裡，飄散的妖魔殘骸竟如櫻吹雪般，帶著殘酷而淒豔的美感。
就在視野逐漸模糊之際，我的意識突然感知到某種「話音」：「唉，今晚難得的搖滾現場演奏，不能去了。我練習了很久耶！」伴隨著濃厚的不滿與委屈的嘆息，「可惡的妖魔，真會挑時間。而且我剛買的龐克風皮褲，又撕爛了！想哭……」
什……什麼？搖滾？褲子？在生死搏殺間思考這些？我還未從錯愕中回神，便徹底沉入黑暗。
當意識再度凝聚時，溫暖的靈流正包裹著我。努力聚焦「視線」後，眼前的超現實，景象令思維一滯：那雙熟悉的腿，兀自佇立在櫻色光暈中，此外……還有一副無頭無肢的玉白軀幹？！莊嚴威光在肌理間流淌，也帶著一股令人敬畏的非人完美。
「媽呀！這、這是什麼？！」我內心的驚駭無以復加。
「你醒來啦？」含笑的嗓音在腦海響起，「嚇到了嗎？真是抱歉。」
Even more shocking was that even if a demon dodged the blades and tried to get close, they gained no advantage. In the next second, their skull would be crushed by a falling heel, their chest pierced by a toe kick, their ribs cracked by a knee strike, or their attacking claws snapped by a light twist of an ankle.
These legs sublimated slaughter into art—every part was a weapon, every movement hid killing intent. Sometimes they leaped lightly like a ballet dancer, sometimes they trampled violently like a heavy metal musician, dancing a song of life and death colliding. Dark green blood and shattered flesh flew through the air, weaving a grotesque totem with the fresh wounds on those legs. The leather pant legs became increasingly tattered, blood streaks blooming on the smooth skin, but the rhythm of the battle only grew more frantic. In the space where blood and holy light intertwined, the scattered remains of the demons fell like a blizzard of cherry blossoms, carrying a cruel yet poignant beauty.
Just as my vision blurred, my consciousness suddenly perceived a "voice": "Sigh, I can't go to the rare live rock performance tonight. I practiced for so long!" Followed by a sigh heavy with dissatisfaction and grievance, "Damn demons, they really know how to pick a time. And my newly bought punk-style leather pants are torn again! I want to cry..."
W... what? Rock? Pants? Thinking about these things during a life-and-death struggle? Before I could recover from my shock, I sank completely into darkness.
When my consciousness gathered again, a warm flow of spiritual energy was wrapping around me. After struggling to focus my "vision," the surreal scene before me stalled my thinking: those familiar legs stood alone in a sakura-colored aura, and besides them... there was a headless, limbless jade-white torso?! A majestic light flowed through the texture of its skin, carrying an awe-inspiring, non-human perfection.
"Mommy! W-what is this?!" The horror in my heart was unparalleled.
"You're awake?" A smiling voice rang in my mind. "Were you scared? I'm truly sorry."
未待我發問，那道聲音便細心解釋：「昨夜戰鬥讓這雙腿受了不少傷，也沾染邪瘴，目前進行清除污穢、化解詛咒和治療傷口。至於這軀體——」意念輕觸那具完美身軀，「是神櫻大人。祂因為支持戰鬥進行，以及治療雙腿和重傷的你，耗用了不少神威，所以在在補充靈力。」
「至於衣裳不整⋯⋯」語氣忽轉俏皮，「沾滿妖魔血污的衣物被嫌棄了，暫無替換呢。」隨即溫聲安撫：「不必拘謹，神櫻並不介意展現這份莊嚴的完美。」
毋需在意是嗎？……我的確沒辦法在意。我這連形體都不完整的狀態，產生不了什麼不當遐想。更何況神櫻身上散發出的聖潔光輝，以及對救命之恩的感激，早已壓倒了一切雜念……等等？那是……
當「目光」落在那雙腿上的古樸長劍，與懸浮於神櫻頸項的勾玉時，震驚壓倒了一切。那流轉的銘文、那傳承的形態⋯⋯莫非是傳說中鎮國三器中的「草薙劍」與「八尺瓊勾玉」？！
「哎呀，被你認出來了呢。」嗓音裡盪著俏皮的漣漪，彷彿早已知曉我心中的驚愕。「也是，正在為你療傷，靈場也與你相連，此刻我們可謂心意相通。」
心意相通……這份殊遇令我受寵若驚。未待我回應，為徹底淨化侵蝕我意識的邪瘴，她竟輕托起我分離的頭顱，安放在神櫻的玉白頸項之上！
霎時天地澄明。思緒如掙脫樊籠的飛鳥，在無垠晴空展翅。溫潤神性如春泉淌過每寸感知——這便是觸及神格的滋味麼？我這凡夫，何其有幸……
也正是在這朦朧光暈中，首次得見她的真容。浮現在側的臉龐皎若新月，深邃的眼眸中沉澱著悲憫，唇畔笑意卻蘊藏看透世事的智慧。這副容顏，與神櫻軀幹渾然天成，無比契合。
與此同時，那雙遊走空中的纖手正細心修復我的軀殼。當素白指尖探入我敞開的胸腔整理臟器時，她忽然頓住，竟掏出手機，查閱人體解剖圖！望著神靈之手在我體內依循現代醫學認真作業，混合著極度羞恥與無比感激的複雜情緒，油然而生。
待我身軀最後一道傷痕癒合，她也輕巧地重組自身，披上不知從何處取來的衣物，施術將我送回人間街巷。
「謝謝。救命之恩，沒齒難忘。」我深深鞠躬，言語在如此恩情前顯得蒼白。
「舉手之勞，不必客氣。義介，今後要更保重自己呀。」她含笑喚出我名字，親暱得如同故友。也是，在靈識交融後，她早已閱讀我半生軌跡。
Before I could ask, the voice carefully explained: "The battle last night caused a lot of injuries to these legs and contaminated them with evil miasma. Currently, we are clearing the filth, dissolving the curses, and healing the wounds. As for this body—" the thought gently touched the perfect torso, "It is Lord Shin-ou. Because It supported the battle and the healing of the legs and your severe injuries, It consumed a lot of divine majesty, so It is replenishing spiritual power."
"As for being undressed..." the tone suddenly turned playful, "The clothes stained with demon blood and filth were rejected, and there are no replacements for now." Then she comforted me gently: "No need to be reserved, Shin-ou does not mind displaying this solemn perfection."
No need to mind, is it? ...I really couldn't mind. In my state where even my form wasn't complete, I couldn't generate any improper thoughts. Moreover, the sacred radiance emanating from Shin-ou, and the gratitude for saving my life, had long overwhelmed all distracting thoughts... Wait? Is that...
When my "gaze" fell upon the ancient longsword on the legs and the magatama hovering at Shin-ou's neck, shock overwhelmed everything else. Those flowing inscriptions, that inherited form... Could they be the legendary Imperial Regalia, the "Kusanagi-no-Tsurugi" and the "Yasakani-no-Magatama"?!
"Oh my, you recognized them." Ripples of playfulness danced in the voice, as if she already knew the astonishment in my heart. "Well, since I am healing you and our spiritual fields are connected, we can be said to be of one mind right now."
Of one mind... this honor was overwhelming. Before I could respond, in order to thoroughly purify the evil miasma eroding my consciousness, she actually gently lifted my detached head and placed it on Shin-ou's jade-white neck!
Instantly, the world became clear. My thoughts were like birds breaking free from a cage, spreading their wings in the boundless clear sky. Warm divinity flowed like a spring through every inch of my perception—is this the taste of touching godhood? How fortunate am I, a mortal...
It was also in this hazy aura that I saw her true face for the first time. The face floating beside me was as bright as a new moon, deep compassion settling in her eyes, yet the smile on her lips held a wisdom that saw through the world. This face was a natural, perfect fit for Shin-ou's torso.
At the same time, those slender hands wandering in the air were carefully repairing my shell. When the pale fingertips reached into my open chest to organize my organs, she suddenly paused and actually took out a mobile phone to check human anatomy charts! Watching the hands of a god working seriously inside my body according to modern medicine, a complex emotion mixing extreme shame and immense gratitude arose spontaneously.
When the last wound on my body healed, she lightly reassembled herself, put on clothes retrieved from somewhere, and used a spell to send me back to the streets of the human world.
"Thank you. I will never forget your life-saving grace." I bowed deeply, words appearing pale before such kindness.
"It was nothing, no need to be polite. Yoshisuke, take better care of yourself from now on." She called my name with a smile, intimate as an old friend. Indeed, after the blending of spiritual consciousness, she had long read the trajectory of my half-life.
回家後，面對哭紅雙眼的妻女，我編造了蹩腳謊言——錯過末班車、醉倒路邊、遭野狗襲擊等等。看著妻子含淚責備，看著女兒嘴上嫌棄「爸爸真遜」，眼底卻藏不住關切，我突然感受到了親情的重量。當目光掠過美奈實身上的金屬飾鏈，那些曾令我蹙眉的龐克裝束，此刻竟與月下那雙踏碎妖魔的戰靴重疊交映——
原來那些看似離經叛道的倔強，亦是生命力的鏗鏘表白。這份鮮活，何嘗不是另一種可愛？
時光如流水沖淡記憶，那夜的驚心動魄，漸遠若夢。我改變了以往的生活模式，開始推卻不必要的應酬，在尋常晚餐裡品味幸福。
某個平凡的傍晚，我們一家三口圍坐在電視前，邊吃邊看。螢幕上，旅遊節目正在進行某個度假勝地的現場直播。
突然間，熟悉的面孔闖入了鏡頭。「咦？」我嘴裡的飯差點噴出。
是她！在電視螢幕中，她被主持人抽選到，正進行採訪。美麗的容顏沒有絲毫改變，但曾經環繞她的莊嚴神聖氣息已然褪去；此刻的她，親切得像個鄰家女孩。頭顱之下的神櫻，被一襲無肩帶的碎花洋裝襯得身姿輕盈，將神性光輝盡數收斂。而那雙征戰魔界的腿足，此刻也一改龐克風格，套上可愛的白色涼鞋，顯得溫婉又閒適。
「原來她也能這般……」未竟的感嘆凝在唇邊，螢幕裡的她忽然轉眸望來，穿透鏡頭對我眨眨眼，雙手在胸前，比出一個可愛的動作。
After returning home, facing my wife and daughter crying with red eyes, I made up a clumsy lie—missed the last train, passed out drunk on the roadside, attacked by wild dogs, and so on. Watching my wife scold me through tears, hearing my daughter say "Dad is so uncool" while unable to hide the concern in her eyes, I suddenly felt the weight of familial love. When my gaze swept over the metal chains on Minami, those punk outfits that used to make me frown, at this moment, overlapped and reflected with those combat boots that crushed demons under the moon—
It turns out that those seemingly rebellious stubbornnesses are also a clangorous declaration of vitality. Isn't this vividness also another kind of cuteness?
Time washed away memories like flowing water; the thrill of that night faded like a dream. I changed my past lifestyle, started declining unnecessary social engagements, and savored happiness in ordinary dinners.
One ordinary evening, our family of three sat around the TV, eating and watching. On the screen, a travel program was broadcasting live from a resort.
Suddenly, a familiar face burst into the shot. "Eh?" I almost sprayed the rice from my mouth.
It was her! On the TV screen, she had been selected by the host and was being interviewed. Her beautiful face hadn't changed at all, but the solemn, holy aura that once surrounded her had faded; right now, she was as approachable as the girl next door. Below her head, Shin-ou was set off by a strapless floral dress, making her figure look light and graceful, restraining all the divine radiance. And those legs that had battled in the demon realm had now changed from the punk style, wearing cute white sandals, looking gentle and relaxed.
"So she can also be like this..." The unfinished sigh froze on my lips as she in the screen suddenly turned her eyes to look, winked at me through the lens, and made a cute gesture with her hands in front of her chest.
沒有言語，我卻讀懂那份默契——是問候，亦是溫柔的託付。
這想法毫無緣由，我卻深信不疑。
望著螢幕上她漸遠的身影，我撫胸輕語：「保重。也請代我向神櫻大人問安。」
Without words, I understood that tacit understanding—it was a greeting, and also a gentle entrustment.
This thought had no basis, yet I believed it without a doubt.
Watching her receding figure on the screen, I touched my chest and whispered: "Take care. And please give my regards to Lord Shin-ou."
---
其三 孰姊孰妹
「嗚~噫嗷！啊！！吼！」
伴隨著撕裂時空的尖嘯，妾身自亙古的永夜中猛然驚醒。
多少春秋了？那該死的陰陽師，竟將妾身囚於這無光之境！歲月模糊了年輪，唯獨這焚心的怨毒在黑暗中愈發熾烈。
此仇必報！妾身要讓這世間瞧瞧，怨火灼身是何等痛楚；妾身流下的每一滴血淚，必令蒼生以千百倍償還！首先——
唔？此為何故？
眼前天幕驟然塌陷。星月盡殞，唯餘詭譎流光縱橫交錯。詭譎？由妾身這等存在道出此詞，何等諷刺。
然這片偽裝的夜空並未沉寂。數輪金環自虛空浮現，由虛化實，漸次成陣。妾心困惑，驟生警覺，四隻利爪破體而出，森然寒光劃破混沌，備戰任何不測之變。
倏忽間，光環中躍出數道身影——
嗟乎，此乃何物？
非神非魔，非器非靈。竟是兩截玉臂、一雙纖腿，與雲鬢半挽的女子首級！
「啊，真不好意思。匆忙趕來，讓你見笑了。」那首級竟口吐人言。不好意思？此語何意？
III. Who is the Elder Sister?
"Wu~Yiaow! Ah!! Roar!"
With a scream that tore through space-time, I was jolted awake from the eternal night of antiquity.
How many springs and autumns have passed? That damned Onmyoji actually imprisoned me in this lightless realm! Time has blurred the rings of years, leaving only this heart-burning grudge to grow more intense in the darkness.
This vengeance must be exacted! I will show this world the pain of being scorched by the fires of resentment; for every drop of tears of blood I have shed, the common people must pay back a thousandfold! First—
Hm? What is this?
The sky before my eyes suddenly collapsed. Stars and moon all perished, leaving only bizarre streams of light crisscrossing. Bizarre? How ironic for a being like me to use such a word.
But this fake night sky was not silent. Several golden rings emerged from the void, turning from virtual to real, gradually forming an array. My heart was confused and suddenly alert. Four sharp claws burst from my body, their grim cold light cutting through the chaos, ready for any unforeseen changes.
Suddenly, several figures leaped out of the rings of light—
Alas, what are these things?
Neither god nor demon, neither tool nor spirit. It was actually two jade arms, a pair of slender legs, and a woman's head with hair half-bound!
"Ah, I'm truly sorry. I came in a rush, I must look ridiculous to you." That head actually spoke human words. Sorry? What does that mean?
「其實我剛剛在進行魔術表演，來不及換上正式的巫女除靈套裝，就以這型態，『傳送』過來。」飛首自顧言語，乃至輕吐舌尖。
但見她艱難地將肢體自光環中逐一牽引而出。首級懸空，四肢分立，荒誕絕倫的景象竟令妾身一時怔愣，忘卻攻擊，直至她將此戰軀準備妥當。
「沒有御祓足袋，沒有破邪草履，連纏神袖衣和戰鬥用的符咒都付之闕如……」她喃喃自語，似在清點武具，「手腳都赤裸裸的，只剩當美女助手穿的高跟鞋，毫無任何保護……欸，戰力差得有點多呢……算了，沒關係，我們開始吧！嘿咻！」
荒謬！竟敢在妾身面前如此兒戲！
戰幕乍啟，攻勢如潮。妾身利爪破空而去，足以撕裂鋼鐵，卻次次落空——那四肢飄忽如煙，竟連一角都難以觸及！百年積怨所化咒毒瀰漫湧去，然觸及她櫻色光暈瞬間，竟如融雪消蝕！她這般妖異之態，竟懷神格？！
反觀彼之攻勢，凌厲得令妾身心驚。玉腿幻化鋒銳刀鞭，太刀過處怨念盡碎，骨鞭掃來瘴氣崩解。素手結印間，虛空自成牢籠，將妾身牢牢困鎖。如此威勢，竟自稱「戰力不足」？
不過彈指，妾身護體怨念土崩瓦解，森然利爪鋒芒盡失。櫻色神光如天網罩下，將數百年積怨碾作齏粉。
嗚呼！今日竟要再度隕落麼？下次醒轉，又該是何年何月……
此心……實有不甘……
……
…………
………………
？？？？？？？
"Actually, I was just doing a magic show, and I didn't have time to change into my formal shrine maiden exorcism suit, so I 'teleported' here in this form." The flying head spoke to itself, even sticking out the tip of its tongue lightly.
I watched as she struggled to pull her limbs out of the light rings one by one. The head suspended in the air, limbs standing separately; the absurd scene stunned me for a moment, forgetting to attack, until she had readied this battle body.
"No Purification Tabi, no Evil-Crushing Zori, even the Spirit-Binding Sleeves and combat talismans are missing..." She muttered to herself, seeming to count her armaments. "Hands and feet are all bare, only wearing the high heels from when I was a beautiful assistant, no protection at all... Eh, the combat power is a bit lacking... Oh well, it doesn't matter, let's start! Heave-ho!"
Absurd! To dare to be so trifling in front of me!
The curtain of battle opened, and the attacks came like a tide. My sharp claws tore through the air, enough to rip through steel, yet they missed every time—those four limbs drifted like smoke, impossible to even touch a corner of! The curse poison formed from a hundred years of accumulated grudge surged forth, but the moment it touched her sakura-colored halo, it melted like snow! This grotesque form of hers actually harbors godhood?!
In contrast, her attacks were sharp enough to startle me. Her jade legs transformed into sharp blade-whips; where the tachi passed, resentment shattered; where the bone whip swept, miasma disintegrated. Her pale hands formed seals, creating a cage from the void, locking me firmly within. With such power, she claims "insufficient combat power"?
In a mere snap of the fingers, my protective resentment crumbled, and the edge of my grim claws was lost. The sakura-colored divine light descended like a skynet, grinding hundreds of years of accumulated grudge into dust.
Alas! Am I to fall again today? When I wake next, what year and month will it be...
This heart... is truly unwilling...
......
............
..................
???????
這……究竟是怎麼回事？妾身竟再度甦醒？可這回，似乎沒過多少時日？
等等，妾身……妾身這「存在」本身，怎麼全然不同了？那些如影隨形的邪靈低語、糾纏不休的深沉咒念，竟都煙消雲散？周身一片清明，如歷月華滌淨。
「早呀，小栞，睡得好嗎？」
這聲音是……且慢，聲從何來？似是從……妾身頭頂傳來？小栞又是何人？
饒了妾身吧！今日令人驚愕之事，層出不窮！
「啊哈哈，別太在意細節嘛～為了幫妳『恢復原狀』，我可費了不少功夫呢。」頭頂那聲音再度響起，語氣輕快中帶著幾分得意，「我們好好聊聊吧。」
妾身強抑滿心紛亂，靜心感知。她開始對妾身說明——並非透過言語，並非透過言語，而是靈識與靈識的直接交融。也罷，既來之則安之，妾身如是告訴自己。
原來她是專司斬妖除魔、淨化邪穢之巫女，軀幹更已化作神體，無怪乎與積累數百年惡念的妾身，仍有雲泥之別。其手足可脫離軀體，自行征戰——此便解釋了先前那匪夷所思的景象。
她感應到妾身甦醒時散發的猛烈邪氣，匆忙趕來。但在深入探查後，發現妾身層層怨念之下，竟是個無辜受難的魂靈。故她無意消滅妾身，先前交手不過是為祛除依附在妾身身上的諸惡。此刻她正努力讓妾身恢復本來面貌。
「妳的名字是藤原栞喔，家住平安京，生活於康平年間——這可是我費盡心力查證，再用AI反覆推演才確定的，很不容易的呢~」她絮絮叨叨地說著，話裡透著幾分自得，「現在妳的淨化，已大致完成了。只是妳的存在型態長期被怨念扭曲，成了適合戰鬥的怪物形式。所以我讓我的頭顱暫時附著在妳的存在之上，理解妳的構築方式，引導神櫻的力量，助妳重歸本真面目。」
此外，妾身那顆承載了太多不幸與苦楚，早已殘破不堪的「心」，已被她取出，與她那稱為「神櫻」的軀幹相融。溫煦神輝，正照耀心傷的每個陰暗角落。
This... what exactly is going on? I have awakened again? But this time, it seems not much time has passed?
Wait, my... my "existence" itself, why is it completely different? Those whispers of evil spirits that followed me like shadows, those deep curse thoughts that entangled endlessly, have all vanished like smoke? My body is clear and bright, as if cleansed by moonlight.
"Morning, little Shiori. Sleep well?"
This voice is... wait, where is the voice coming from? It seems to be coming from... the top of my head? And who is little Shiori?
Spare me! Today, astonishing things happen one after another!
"Ahaha, don't worry too much about the details~ I went to a lot of trouble to help you 'restore to your original state'." The voice on top of my head sounded again, the tone brisk with a hint of pride. "Let's have a good chat."
I suppressed the chaos in my heart and calmed my mind to perceive. She began to explain to me—not through words, but through the direct blending of spiritual consciousness. Very well, since I am here, I should be at peace, I told myself.
It turns out she is a shrine maiden specializing in slaying demons and purifying filth, and her torso has become a divine body. No wonder there is a world of difference between her and me, who has accumulated hundreds of years of evil thoughts. Her hands and feet can detach from her body and fight on their own—this explains the inconceivable scene earlier.
She sensed the violent evil energy I emitted when I awakened and rushed over. But upon deeper investigation, she discovered that beneath my layers of resentment was an innocent, suffering soul. So she had no intention of destroying me; the earlier fight was merely to remove the evils attached to me. At this moment, she is working hard to restore me to my true face.
"Your name is Fujiwara no Shiori, living in Heian-kyo during the Kohei era—it wasn't easy to confirm this, I had to do exhaustive research and run AI simulations repeatedly, you know~" She chattered on, a hint of self-satisfaction in her words. "Now, your purification is mostly complete. It's just that your form of existence was twisted by resentment for so long that it became a monster form suitable for combat. So I let my head temporarily attach to your existence, to understand your construction and guide the power of Shin-ou to help you return to your true self."
Furthermore, my "heart," which carried too much misfortune and suffering and was long tattered, had been removed by her and merged with her torso called "Shin-ou." The warm divine radiance is shining on every dark corner of my heart's wounds.
原來如此，難怪妾身感覺每一個喜悲，皆不似源於己身。這顆心暫居他處的感覺，當真玄妙難言……
又過了好些時日，今日櫻姊姊言道，要把心還給人家啦！
之前她還待在我頭頂上呢。那時人家已經變回平安時代的小姑娘模樣，穿著水色小袖，頭上卻頂著姊姊的腦袋，想起來真是有趣極了！
這段時日，人家的心，在神櫻大人那裡被照顧得很好。姊姊說，有了小女孩心的神櫻變得活潑極了，整天蹦蹦跳跳的像隻小兔子。其實我也能感覺到那份快樂——原來活著，本身就是件這麼美好的事啊。
雖然偶爾還是會懷念起留在平安京的家人。那時代的權力鬥爭，是真的會奪人性命的呢……
不過那都是千百年前的往事了。父親大人、母親大人，還有兄姊他們，現在應該都在某處過著新的人生了吧？
神櫻踏著輕快的步子走來，櫻姊姊的頭顱飄在一旁溫柔注視——沒辦法呀，她的身體暫時還被人家的心佔著呢。
只見神櫻優雅地舉起手，從頸項之上，拿起一顆晶瑩剔透的心，輕輕放進我掌心。
我低頭看著這顆煥然一新的心，它跳動得那麼有力，洋溢著鮮活的情感。眼眶突然就熱了，好想好好謝謝櫻姊姊，謝謝神櫻大人。這顆心，簡直是她們重新賜予我的禮物。
「栞開心就好～不過這聲姊姊，我可擔待不起，」回到自己身體的櫻姊姊感應到我的想法，鼓著臉抗議，「論年紀，妳可是比我大了好幾百歲呢！」
我忍不住笑出聲來。心魂歸位，藤原栞終於完整了。
牽起櫻姊姊溫暖的手，我們在悠悠天地間漫步。雖然已經沒有遺憾，但人家還不想這麼快去輪迴喔！
I see, no wonder I feel that every joy and sorrow does not seem to originate from myself. The feeling of this heart residing elsewhere is truly mysterious and indescribable—
Many days have passed, and today Sister Sakura said she would return my heart to me!
She was staying on top of my head before. At that time, I had already turned back into the appearance of a little girl from the Heian period, wearing water-colored small sleeves (kosode), but with Sister's head on top of mine. Thinking back, it was extremely funny!
During this time, my heart was taken care of very well by Lord Shin-ou. Sister said that Shin-ou, having a little girl's heart, became extremely lively, hopping around all day like a little rabbit. Actually, I could also feel that happiness—it turns out that being alive is such a beautiful thing in itself.
Although occasionally I still miss my family left in Heian-kyo. The power struggles of that era truly took lives...
But that is all in the past, thousands of years ago. Father, Mother, and my older brothers and sisters should all be living new lives somewhere now, right?
Shin-ou walked over with light steps, Sister Sakura's head floating alongside, watching gently—it couldn't be helped, her body is temporarily occupied by my heart.
I saw Shin-ou gracefully raise a hand, take a crystal-clear heart from above the neck, and gently place it into my palm.
I looked down at this rejuvenated heart; it beat so strongly, overflowing with fresh emotions. My eyes suddenly felt hot. I wanted to thank Sister Sakura properly, thank Lord Shin-ou. This heart was simply a gift they had bestowed upon me anew.
"As long as Shiori is happy~ But I can't accept being called Sister," Sister Sakura, having returned to her own body, sensed my thoughts and puffed out her cheeks in protest. "In terms of age, you are hundreds of years older than me!"
I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Heart and soul returned to their place, Fujiwara no Shiori was finally complete.
Holding Sister Sakura's warm hand, we strolled between the leisurely heaven and earth. Although I have no regrets left, I don't want to go to reincarnation so soon!
活了這麼久，以前都被怨恨蒙住了眼睛。現在這個嶄新的世界，我要好好看個夠，細細感受每分每秒。
和櫻姊姊一起。
「都說了我不是姊姊！栞才是活了好幾百歲的老婆婆！」櫻姊姊漲紅了臉，氣鼓鼓的樣子真可愛。
呵呵，您聽，初秋不服氣的蟬鳴，亦是這般清亮悅耳呢。
having lived so long, my eyes were blinded by hatred before. Now, in this brand new world, I want to see enough of it, to feel every minute and every second in detail.
Together with Sister Sakura.
"I told you I'm not the older sister! Shiori is the hundreds-of-years-old granny!" Sister Sakura's face turned red, and her angry look was really cute.
Hehe, listen, the unconvinced chirping of cicadas in early autumn is just as clear and pleasing to the ear.
