他們一起生活，已經快一個月了。
晚飯過後，廚房裡殘留著番茄炒蛋的氣味。洗碗槽裡疊了兩副碗筷。核心懸在客廳角落，海藍色的光安安靜靜地流轉，把整間屋子映得像浸在淺海裡。
他坐在餐桌前，手裡的馬克杯已經涼了。
佩姬沒有使用幻體，一顆頭飄在客廳中央，嘴裡咬著一根棒棒糖。糖棍從她嘴側伸出，隨著她輕輕晃動而在空中畫小圈。她正翻一本他的雜誌——不是真的翻，是用隔空操控讓頁面自己轉過去，眼睛掃得飛快。偶爾停下一頁，歪著頭端詳，光環也跟著側傾。
「說起來，」他開口。
「嗯？」她沒抬眼。
「我還沒問過——為什麼是我呢。」
棒棒糖的晃動停了。佩姬從雜誌上抬起視線，歪了歪頭。
They had been living together for nearly a month.
After dinner, the smell of tomato and scrambled egg lingered in the kitchen. Two sets of bowls and chopsticks were stacked in the sink. The core floated in the corner of the living room, its sea-blue light flowing quietly, casting the entire apartment in the hue of a shallow sea.
He sat at the dining table, the mug in his hand already cold.
Peggy wasn't using her phantom body. Just a head, floating in the center of the living room, a lollipop stick poking from the side of her mouth. The stick traced small circles in the air as she swayed gently. She was flipping through one of his magazines—not really flipping, but using telekinesis to turn the pages, her eyes scanning rapidly. Occasionally she'd stop on a page, tilt her head to study it, her halo tilting along with her.
"Speaking of which," he began.
"Hm?" She didn't look up.
"I never asked—why me?"
The lollipop stopped moving. Peggy raised her eyes from the magazine and tilted her head.
「為什麼是你。」她重複，語氣像在品味這幾個字。「什麼意思？」
「是說我為什麼被選中。」他解釋，「我還記得聖杖和神劍插進陽台花盆的那一幕。還有那張紙條——『恭喜，你被選中了。不好意思。』」
他頓了頓。「都快七個月了。」
佩姬沒有立刻回答。棒棒糖又開始轉了，不過速度慢了些。她看著他眼裡有東西在閃——期待，純粹的。
她原本微微張著的嘴合上了，眼睛裡的光收了收。頭顱像踱步般在客廳中緩緩來回飛動，光環轉得快了一點。
"Why you." She repeated it as if savoring the words. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, why was I chosen." He explained. "I still remember the holy staff and divine sword planted in the flowerpot on my balcony. And that note—'Congratulations, you've been chosen. Sorry about that.'"
He paused. "It's been almost seven months."
Peggy didn't answer immediately. The lollipop started turning again, but slower. She looked at him with something flickering in her eyes—anticipation, pure and simple.
Her slightly open mouth closed, and the light in her eyes drew in. Her head began to drift back and forth through the living room as if pacing, her halo spinning a little faster.
「好吧，這麼說，」她終於歎了口氣，光環漸漸停下，「選中你，是……帶著偶然的必然。也算是命運吧。你背負的命運。對，是這樣。」
他的眼睛微微亮了，像那種被某個關鍵詞觸動的亮——「命運」。
「是嗎？我是被那樣的女神選中的，背負著佩拉吉亞的使命，對吧？我就知道。」他的嘴角往上提了一點，又壓住。「不過……『帶著偶然的必然』是什麼意思啊？聽起來有點帥。」
「意思呢，」她說，語速放慢，「是我雖然只是顆頭，但女神關於命運的權能，我還保有一部分。我能占卜。我能看得出行動的可能性分佈裡，哪條路徑達成目標的機率最高。當魔靈出現、不得不處理時，我把聖杖跟神劍投向哪兒最有可能成功——」
她口中的棒棒糖的尖端指向他。
「那就是你的花盆。」
"Fine, here's the thing," she finally sighed, the halo gradually slowing. "Choosing you was... a contingent necessity. You could call it fate, I suppose. The fate you bear. Yes, that's it."
His eyes brightened slightly, the kind of brightening triggered by a key word—"fate."
"Really? I was chosen by a goddess like that, bearing Pelagia's mission, right? I knew it." The corner of his mouth lifted, then he pressed it down. "But... what does 'contingent necessity' mean? That sounds kind of cool."
"What it means," she said, slowing her speech, "is that even though I'm just a head, I still retain a portion of the goddess's authority over fate. I can divine. I can see, within the distribution of possibilities for action, which path has the highest probability of achieving the goal. When demonic spirits appear and have to be dealt with, where I should throw the holy staff and divine sword for the highest chance of success—"
The tip of the lollipop in her mouth pointed at him.
"That was your flowerpot."
他聽著。「就這樣？」他問。
「就這樣。」
「不是……什麼特別的感應？跟佩拉吉亞的連結？祂透過什麼看到了我靈魂裡的——」
「沒有。」她打斷他。「占卜是關於現實的結構的。不是神諭，是評估。你可以當成一種模型——我把感知到的現實丟進去，算出來的結果是：一個會接受荒謬現實、心腸不壞，而且還算誠懇、老實的上班族，更有可能坦率地拿著武器去打怪物，不會濫用。」
客廳裡安靜了幾秒。核心的光在牆上投下一圈一圈的波紋，慢慢擴散，又慢慢淡去。
他的表情經歷了幾個階段。先是認真聽的時候微微皺眉，然後在「評估」、「模型」那幾個字時眉頭鬆開了，接著鬆得更開，鬆到了某種程度，就成了——洩氣。
「評估啊……」他的肩膀沉下去了。「也就是說，跟我差不多條件的人都行？還以為我與佩拉吉亞有特殊的連結，是被祂……挑中的男人——結果不是呢。是被一顆頭裡的什麼模型，像電腦一樣算出來的。」
He listened. "That's it?" he asked.
"That's it."
"Not... some special resonance? A connection to Pelagia? She saw something in my soul through—"
"No." She cut him off. "Divination is about the structure of reality. It's not an oracle, it's an assessment. Think of it as a model—I feed in the reality I perceive, and the result that comes out is: an office worker who would accept an absurd reality, who isn't bad-hearted, and who is reasonably sincere and honest, is more likely to pick up weapons and fight monsters without abusing them."
The living room was quiet for a few seconds. The core's light cast ripples on the wall, slowly spreading, slowly fading.
His expression went through several stages. First, a slight frown as he listened carefully, then the frown loosening at the words "assessment" and "model," then loosening further, until at a certain point it became—deflation.
"An assessment..." His shoulders sank. "So anyone with roughly my qualifications would have worked? I thought I had a special connection to Pelagia, that I was the man She... chose—but no. It was calculated by some model in a head, like a computer."
「欸，這話講得有點失禮耶。什麼『一顆頭裡的模型』？我腦袋裡可沒裝芯片。」佩姬瞪了他一眼，「祂是女神，是你眼中過於耀眼的光。但我至少也是祂的頭吧？你也算被我選上的，只是選的方式跟你亂猜的不一樣，有什麼好失落的？」
「差別還是有的。」他看著她，嘴角浮起一絲自嘲的笑，「被妳選的話，少了點被神性眷顧的那種宏大使命感。那就像……佩拉吉亞沒有差別地愛著萬物，但看我的時候，比看別人多停留了那麼一下。」他摸了摸自己的後腦勺，笑了，笑得有一點不好意思。「嘿嘿。」
她的臉皺了起來。像剛咬到一顆壞掉的橄欖。「這位豪哥，你也太噁了點。」她叨念著，「什麼特別眷顧啊？女神多看你一眼，就這麼亢奮？而且也沒有。是我選的，像抽獎般地選。」
「是呀，抽獎。」他看向她，目光柔和下來，「就像玩夾娃娃機，只是選我這台夾中的機率高而已。行，這也是一種緣分吧。」
他站起身，走到她面前，額頭輕輕碰了一下她的額頭。
「不然怎麼會遇到這顆在我家客廳飛來飛去的、有趣的頭？」
"Hey, that's kind of rude. 'Some model in a head'? There's no chip in my brain." Peggy glared at him. "She's a goddess, a light too dazzling for your eyes. But I'm at least Her head, aren't I? You were chosen by me too. The method just isn't what you guessed. What's there to be disappointed about?"
"There's still a difference." He looked at her, a self-mocking smile rising to his lips. "Being chosen by you lacks that grand sense of mission that comes from being favored by divinity. It's like... Pelagia loves all things without distinction, but when She looked at me, She lingered just a moment longer than on others." He scratched the back of his head and laughed, a little embarrassed. "Heh heh."
Her face scrunched up. Like she'd just bitten into a rotten olive. "Hao-ge, you're kind of disgusting." She muttered, "What 'special favor'? The goddess glances at you one extra time and you're this excited? And there wasn't any. I chose you. Like a lottery draw."
"Yeah, a lottery." He looked at her, his gaze softening. "Like a claw machine. I just happened to be the machine with the highest hit rate. Fine. That's a kind of destiny too."
He stood up, walked over to her, and gently touched his forehead to hers.
"Otherwise, how would I have met this interesting head flying around my living room?"
接觸的瞬間，他的額頭沒有碰到任何實體——但他感覺到了。一層極薄的溫暖，像隔著一層剛剛曬過太陽的窗玻璃。不確定是她的，還是自己的額頭在發燙。
佩姬整個人——整顆頭——震了一下。往後飛出起碼一公尺。棒棒糖差點掉了。
「你幹嘛？」她的聲音拔高了。「好噁心！」
「沒什麼，」他退回原位，摸了摸自己的額頭。「個人感懷。」
他的笑容帶著一點他自己都沒察覺的得意。
At the moment of contact, his forehead didn't touch anything solid—but he felt it. A very thin warmth, like pressing against a windowpane that had just been sunned. He wasn't sure if it was hers, or if his own forehead was burning.
Peggy's whole self—her whole head—jolted. She flew back at least a meter. The lollipop nearly fell.
"What are you doing?" Her voice shot up. "That's disgusting!"
"Nothing." He retreated to his spot, touching his forehead. "Personal sentiment."
His smile carried a smugness he hadn't noticed himself.
佩姬瞪著他。光環轉得飛快。嘴唇動了幾次，都沒出聲。
最後她飄到客廳另一頭，背對他。光環的轉速慢慢降下來。客廳安靜了一會兒。
他坐回椅子上，把涼透的馬克杯推到一邊。
「對了，」他望著她盤起來的後髮，「還有另一件事。」
「你今天問題真多。」她的眼睛閉著。棒棒糖吃完了，糖棍早已被她一口氣精準吹進垃圾桶。
「魔靈，」他說。「戰鬥了六個月，我到現在都不知道它們到底是什麼。」
佩姬的眼睛睜開了。
「那個喔……唉，好吧。你終究會問。」
Peggy stared at him. Her halo spun furiously. Her lips moved several times without producing sound.
Finally she floated to the other end of the living room, her back to him. The halo's rotation slowly decelerated. The living room was quiet for a while.
He sat back down, pushing the cold mug aside.
"By the way," he said, looking at the back of her pinned-up hair, "there's another thing."
"You're full of questions today." Her eyes were closed. The lollipop was finished; the stick had long since been precisely blown into the trash can in one breath.
"Demonic spirits," he said. "I've fought them for six months, and I still don't know what they actually are."
Peggy's eyes opened.
"That... ah, fine. You were going to ask eventually."
---
她飄到他面前，與他對視。客廳的燈沒有全開，只有餐桌上方的那盞和角落裡核心散發的藍光。佩姬的臉在這兩種光的交界處，一半暖，一半冷。
「佩拉吉亞接納萬物，」她開口，語速比平時慢。「到了祂裡面的，都會經歷一個過程——被祂巨大而豐盛的存在推著、托著、裹著，邊界漸漸鬆弛，然後融入。」
她頓了一下。
「就像存在於海中的，不論是海水、珊瑚還是魚，彼此很不同，但都是大海的一部分。你還能被辨認、被區別，但你不在這之外。」
他點頭，聽得很專注。
She floated in front of him, meeting his eyes. The living room lights weren't all on—just the one above the dining table and the blue glow from the core in the corner. Peggy's face was at the boundary of these two lights, half warm, half cold.
"Pelagia accepts all things," she began, slower than usual. "What enters Her undergoes a process—pushed, carried, wrapped by Her vast and abundant existence, boundaries gradually loosening, then merging in."
She paused.
"Like things that exist in the sea—whether seawater, coral, or fish—they're very different from each other, but they're all part of the ocean. You can still be identified, distinguished, but you're not outside of it."
He nodded, listening intently.
「大部分——絕大多數——都是這樣的。進來，互動，融入。自然得像呼吸。但是——」她的聲音變輕了，「偶爾，會有不願融入的。」
「不願意？」
「不是它們有意志，」她立刻補充，像怕他誤解。「是性質。有些存在——不管原本是什麼——在佩拉吉亞內部的行為是……莽撞的。它們與其他一切的互動是排斥的、粗魯的。邊界一直鬆不開。就像——」
她想了想。
「就像在水中滴進不溶於水的液體。有些漂在水面，有些待在水中，有些沉下去，但都不會變成水。它們和水之間永遠有那條線，相遇時更是會聚在一起，形成水中難以忽視的一塊。」
他聽著，身體裡有什麼繃緊了，手掌無意識地抓緊了自己的衣襟。
"Most—the vast majority—are like this. They enter, interact, merge. As natural as breathing. But—" her voice softened, "occasionally, there are those unwilling to merge."
"Unwilling?"
"They don't have will," she added quickly, as if afraid he'd misunderstand. "It's their nature. Some existences—whatever they originally were—behave... recklessly within Pelagia. Their interactions with everything else are repulsive, rude. Their boundaries never loosen. Like—"
She thought about it.
"Like dropping a liquid that won't dissolve into water. Some float on the surface, some stay suspended, some sink, but none of them become water. There's always that line between them and the water, and when they meet each other, they clump together, forming a patch in the water that's hard to ignore."
He listened, something tightening in his body, his hands unconsciously gripping his shirt.
「那……那些……油還是什麼，後來怎麼樣了？」
「大部分就待著。佩拉吉亞的存在極為龐大，那些不願融入的，一直在那裡。不屬於海，但海容得下。」
她的目光落在核心上。核心的光膨脹、收縮、膨脹、收縮，穩定得像一個沉睡者的呼吸。
「那——」他的聲音比剛剛低了。「佩拉吉亞……會不會……很不舒服？」
佩姬輕輕點頭。「會，就像家裡來了不速之客，隨意地翻動東西、進出房間、亂用家電。還好這個家夠大，也還來得及清掃、修補。佩拉吉亞維持得下去。」
維持得下去。
他感覺到一種癢，產生在身體內的癢。彷彿有一台最精密、最強大的機器，裡面卻有什麼在胡亂插拔線纜、交換零件。
"Then... those... oil or whatever, what happened to them?"
"Most just stay. Pelagia's existence is immense. Those unwilling to merge remain there. Not belonging to the sea, but the sea can contain them."
Her gaze fell on the core. The core's light expanded, contracted, expanded, contracted, steady as a sleeper's breathing.
"Then—" his voice was lower than before. "Does Pelagia... feel uncomfortable?"
Peggy nodded slightly. "Yes. Like uninvited guests in your home, rummaging through things, going in and out of rooms, messing with appliances. Fortunately the house is big enough, and there's still time to clean and repair. Pelagia can keep going."
Keep going.
He felt an itch, an itch inside his body. As if there were a machine of the utmost precision and power, but something inside was randomly unplugging cables and swapping parts.
「但是，」佩姬的聲音平了下去。「再大的海也不是無限的。那些特別強、性質差異特別大的，剛好又到了佩拉吉亞存在的邊界——就有可能脫出。」
「脫出？」
「穿過祂，回到人世間。」她呼出了長長的一口氣。「祂的邊界被撐開，被什麼東西從裡面頂出去。」
他的手握得更緊了。指節發白。
「帶著在祂裡面待過的那段時間獲得的力量。」佩姬說。「不是佩拉吉亞給的——是它在裡面的時候，沾染上的。那些力量到了人世間，造成危害，就成了……」
「魔靈？」
「嗯。這種情況很少。但一旦發生，我就得找能幫我忙的人。」
客廳裡安靜了。核心的光在天花板上畫出一圈一圈的藍色波紋，慢慢擴散，又慢慢淡去。
"But," Peggy's voice flattened, "even the largest sea isn't infinite. Those that are especially strong, whose nature differs especially greatly, and that happen to reach the boundary of Pelagia's existence—they can escape."
"Escape?"
"Pass through Her, return to the mortal world." She exhaled a long breath. "Her boundary is pushed open, something forcing its way out from inside."
His hands gripped tighter. His knuckles went white.
"Carrying the power they acquired during their time inside Her." Peggy said. "Not given by Pelagia—but stained on while they were inside. That power, once in the mortal world, causes harm, and becomes..."
"Demonic spirits?"
"Mm. This happens rarely. But when it does, I have to find someone who can help me."
The living room was quiet. The core's light painted blue ripples on the ceiling, slowly spreading, slowly fading.
「佩姬。」他的聲音比剛剛低了。「佩拉吉亞……會痛嗎？」
她點了點頭。點得很慢。
「會痛。很痛。」
語氣沒變，但光環幾乎停轉了。
「被魔靈穿透出去的痛是錯亂的那種。你的一部分突然跑掉了，你的存在出現了空缺。魔靈被消滅時也痛，像你不聽話的肢體在遠方被碾碎了，而你感覺得到。」
他聽著，掌心無意識地壓在腹部，五指張開，像在確認什麼還在。
客廳裡的空氣凝住了。
他的手慢慢從腹部放開、舉起。他看著掌心，六個月來握聖杖的痕跡早就消退了，但他忽然覺得掌心發燙。
「那些……」他說得極慢，「我消滅的那些——」
「嗯。」佩姬沒讓他說完。
「每一次？」
「每一次。」
他呼吸侷促了起來。
"Peggy." His voice was lower than before. "Does Pelagia... feel pain?"
She nodded. Slowly.
"Yes. A lot of pain."
Her tone didn't change, but her halo nearly stopped turning.
"The pain of being pierced through by a demonic spirit is a chaotic kind. A part of you suddenly runs off, a gap appears in your existence. When a demonic spirit is destroyed, it also hurts—like a disobedient limb of yours being crushed far away, and you can feel it."
He listened, his palm unconsciously pressing against his abdomen, fingers spread, as if confirming something was still there.
The air in the living room froze.
His hand slowly released from his abdomen and rose. He looked at his palm. The marks from six months of gripping the holy staff had long faded, but he suddenly felt his palm burning.
"Those..." he said very slowly, "the ones I destroyed—"
"Mm." Peggy didn't let him finish.
"Every time?"
"Every time."
His breathing grew tight.
「但不苦。」佩姬的聲音忽然輕了下來，輕得像在自言自語。「佩拉吉亞從不把這些痛當成苦。祂把這一切——不管多痛——都視為發生在祂之內、彷彿理所當然的現象。」她看著核心說。
他想說什麼，但喉嚨裡堵了一團東西。
「那些脫出的……跟我打了六個月。」他好不容易說出口。
「嗯。」
「那些一直在裡面的——」他轉頭看核心。海藍色的光在半透明的壁面內流動，渦流旋轉，光絲交織。他盯著看了很久，試著想像那些「不願融入的」在哪裡、做著什麼。「還在那裡面。」
「嗯。」
他握緊了拳頭。想做些什麼，但什麼也做不到。
客廳裡又沉默了一陣。窗外的城市燈光透過紗簾滲進來，在地板上投下斑駁的影子。
「佩姬，」他先開口，手跟著鬆開。聲音恢復了平常的溫度，但底下多了什麼。「下次，我們去海邊吧。」
"But it wasn't suffering." Peggy's voice suddenly softened, soft as if speaking to herself. "Pelagia never regarded these pains as suffering. She saw all of it—no matter how painful—as phenomena occurring within Her, as if entirely natural." She said, looking at the core.
He wanted to say something, but something was stuck in his throat.
"Those that escaped... I fought them for six months." He finally got it out.
"Mm."
"Those still inside—" He turned to look at the core. Sea-blue light flowed within the translucent walls, the vortex spun, threads of light interwove. He stared for a long time, trying to imagine where those "unwilling to merge" were, what they were doing. "They're still in there."
"Mm."
He clenched his fist. He wanted to do something, but there was nothing he could do.
The living room fell silent again. The city lights outside seeped through the gauze curtain, casting mottled shadows on the floor.
"Peggy," he spoke first, his hand loosening. His voice returned to its usual warmth, but with something added beneath it. "Next time, let's go to the beach."
她轉頭看他，眼神像在等他把話說完。
「佩拉吉亞是海一般的女神。我想帶妳去看海、親近海。」他說。「沒有比海更適合妳的所在了。」
他想起核心那容納萬物的姿態。想起那片不拒絕什麼的大海。更想像著佩姬到了海邊，赤足——幻體的赤足——踏在浪花裡，會是什麼模樣。
「首先，我們先去幫妳選一套泳裝。還有其他的衣服，也一起買。」
She turned to look at him, her eyes as if waiting for him to finish.
"Pelagia is a goddess of the sea. I want to take you to see the sea, to be close to it." He said. "There's no place more suited to you than the sea."
He thought of the core's posture of containing all things. Of that sea that refused nothing. And he imagined what Peggy would look like at the beach, barefoot—phantom barefoot—stepping into the waves.
"First, let's go pick out a swimsuit for you. And some other clothes too. We'll buy them together."
佩姬看著他。「我沒有真正的身體，」她說。「你忘啦？不用買，看過就行了。」
「那不同，」他說得認真，「看過不等於穿過那些衣服。我想要妳——真的穿上妳想穿的。去海邊要穿的那種。」
「那些我在幻體上就變得——」
「可是那些不是真的。」他打斷。「摸起來不一樣，穿起來不一樣，動起來也不一樣。至少，妳不用分配注意力去計算那些衣服在風裡該怎麼飄。」
佩姬的嘴張開了一點，又合上了。光環側了一下。
「什麼傻話。」她別過頭去。「好吧。就去買。」
停了一拍。
「我也很想去海邊。」她說。
這句話太輕了，輕到幾乎融進了核心的光裡。
Peggy looked at him. "I don't have a real body," she said. "Did you forget? No need to buy. Just looking is enough."
"That's different," he said earnestly. "Looking isn't the same as wearing. I want you—to actually wear what you want to wear. The kind you'd wear to the beach."
"Those I can just manifest on the phantom body—"
"But those aren't real." He cut her off. "They don't feel the same to the touch, they don't wear the same, they don't move the same. At least, you wouldn't have to allocate attention to calculating how those clothes should flutter in the wind."
Peggy's mouth opened slightly, then closed. Her halo tilted.
"What nonsense." She turned her head away. "Fine. Let's go buy them."
A beat.
"I want to go to the beach too," she said.
The words were so light they nearly dissolved into the core's glow.
他點了點頭，心裡還在消化「維持得下去」這幾個字。目光無意間掃過核心。海藍色的光在壁面內渦旋，流進又流出，像一張緩慢呼吸的嘴。
「啊，」他仰起頭。
「所以佩拉吉亞算是會大便呢。」
客廳裡的空氣凍住了。佩姬的頭慢慢轉過來。
「蛤？」
他開始解釋，手比劃著。「魔靈是進到佩拉吉亞裡面、不願融入的，對吧？然後脫出祂的存在界限，回到人間。它需要被清理。」他仰著頭想了想，「這不就是——排泄嗎？進去的，身體處理不了的，再排出來。」
他看向核心。海藍色的光在壁面內湧動，渦流似乎比剛剛湍急了一些。他想像著魔靈——那些曾被容納、又被拒絕、最終被排出的、帶著神性殘渣的污濁——怎麼從那裡出來。
He nodded, still digesting the words "keep going." His gaze inadvertently swept over the core. Sea-blue light swirled within the walls, flowing in and out, like a slowly breathing mouth.
"Ah," he looked up.
"So Pelagia does poop, then."
The air in the living room froze. Peggy's head slowly turned.
"Hah?"
He started explaining, hands gesturing. "Demonic spirits are things that entered Pelagia and refused to merge, right? Then they escape Her existential boundary and return to the mortal world. They need to be cleaned up." He looked up, thinking. "Isn't that—excretion? What goes in, what the body can't process, gets expelled."
He looked at the core. Sea-blue light surged within the walls, the vortex seeming more turbulent than before. He imagined the demonic spirits—those once contained, then rejected, finally expelled, carrying divine residue—how they came out from there.
「啊！你這——！」
佩姬的頭飛過來了，額頭撞上他的側臉。碰的一聲，他的頭往另一邊偏了過去。
「你腦袋裡到底裝了什麼？！」她退回半公尺，臉漲得通紅。光環瘋狂旋轉，金色的光暈甩出了殘影。「整天想這些！你、你——」
她的嘴唇哆嗦了一下。
「還說什麼……排……」她閉上眼，深吸一口氣。「不對，等等。」
她睜開眼。
「進去的……身體處理不了的……排出來……」她喃喃地複述，聲音越來越小。
然後她猛地搖頭。
"Ah! You—!"
Peggy's head flew over, her forehead colliding with the side of his face. With a thunk, his head snapped to the other side.
"What is your head even filled with?!" She retreated half a meter, her face bright red. Her halo spun madly, golden light trails flinging off. "Thinking about this all day! You, you—"
Her lips trembled.
"And saying... excrete..." She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. "No, wait."
She opened her eyes.
"What goes in... what the body can't process... expelled..." She murmured, repeating it, her voice growing smaller.
Then she shook her head violently.
「有點類似？！不是吧？！糟了——」光環已經轉到肉眼看不清紋路的程度了。「這個想法進來了，出不去了！忘不掉！」她大叫，頭在空中胡亂飛竄，像一隻受驚的鳥。
「張──家──豪──」她又飛過來。這次是側面撞。撞的是另一邊臉。
「像你這種人，」她懸在他正前方，「我這幾千年來一個都沒碰過！真有你的！佩拉吉亞會大——呸呸呸！大什麼！大你個頭！」
喊完後，她轉頭飄走，飄到客廳角落。光環還在轉，但速度漸漸慢下來，像一台過熱的機器在散熱。
他撫著兩邊發疼的側臉，張了張嘴，把到嘴邊的話吞了回去。
"Kind of similar?! No way?! Oh no—" Her halo was spinning so fast the pattern was invisible. "This thought has entered and it won't leave! I can't forget it!" She shouted, her head darting wildly through the air like a startled bird.
"Zhang—Jia—Hao—" She flew over again. This time a side collision. The other cheek.
"People like you," she hovered directly in front of him, "I haven't met a single one in thousands of years! Unbelievable! Pelagia would poo—bah bah bah! Poo what! Poo your head!"
After shouting, she turned and floated away, drifting to the corner of the living room. Her halo was still spinning, but gradually slowing, like an overheated machine cooling down.
He rubbed both sore cheeks, opened his mouth, and swallowed the words that had reached his lips.
晚上，他睡覺時，做了個夢。
夢中他又見到了佩拉吉亞。不是在神殿中──她在大地上。太過巨大了，她蹲了下來，勉強把自己放進天與地之間。小腿緊緊靠著大腿，手擱膝蓋上。腳掌踮起，只有鞋尖觸地，像不忍踩實。
她回頭，面容中滿溢著神性光輝，照見萬物，包容萬物。海藍色的衣裳從肌膚上長出來，沿著身體無聲流動，像薄透的水膜覆蓋著一具由光構成的身體。
只是……那片近乎完美的海藍色中，有一道極難看見的裂痕。
有什麼正從那道裂痕竄出。混雜著黑、綠、褐色的，黏稠的，像液體卻又像會動的什麼。還帶上一些大概是佩拉吉亞的——的什麼？他不知道。他只看到那些破裂的、有構造的、亮著光點的碎片跟著液體似的東西一起被擠出來，落在祂腳邊的土地上，像掉出體外的零件。
That night, he dreamed.
In the dream he saw Pelagia again. Not in the temple—She was on the earth. Too vast for it, She crouched down, barely fitting Herself between sky and ground. Her calves pressed tight against her thighs, hands resting on her knees. Her feet were on tiptoe, only the tips of her shoes touching the ground, as if reluctant to press down fully.
She turned her head, Her face overflowing with divine radiance, seeing all things, containing all things. The sea-blue garment grew from Her skin, flowing soundlessly along Her body, like a thin, translucent film of water covering a body made of light.
Except... within that near-perfect sea-blue, there was a barely visible crack.
Something was forcing its way out of that crack. Mixed with black, green, brown—viscous, like liquid yet also like something alive. And it carried some of what was probably Pelagia's—what? He didn't know. He only saw those broken, structured, light-pointed fragments being squeezed out along with the liquid-like substance, falling onto the ground at Her feet, like parts falling out of a body.
「零件」？！
他醒了，心跳很快。額頭有汗。
天花板上，客廳方向透進來微弱的藍光。他盯著那片藍看了幾秒，然後翻身下了床。
客廳裡，核心懸在角落，膨脹、收縮、膨脹、收縮。渦流和光絲交織、分流、凝聚。一切如常。
他又看向沙發。
佩姬在那兒，隨便找了個枕頭靠上去，瞇著眼，張著嘴，睡得毫無防備。光環黯淡地懸在她頭頂，像一盞快要熄滅的小夜燈。
他什麼也沒有說。只是在沙發旁邊蹲了下來，蹲到跟她一樣高，看著光環那快要熄滅的微光。
"Parts"?!
He woke up, heart pounding. His forehead was sweaty.
On the ceiling, faint blue light seeped in from the living room direction. He stared at that blue for a few seconds, then threw off the covers and got out of bed.
In the living room, the core floated in the corner, expanding, contracting, expanding, contracting. The vortex and threads of light interwove, divided, condensed. Everything as usual.
He looked at the sofa.
Peggy was there, leaning against a pillow she'd grabbed at random, eyes squinted, mouth open, sleeping completely unguarded. Her halo hung dimly above her head, like a nightlight about to go out.
He said nothing. He just crouched down beside the sofa, crouching to her height, watching the faint glow of the halo about to extinguish.
---
週六一早，通常不會在這個日子響起的鬧鐘聲，劃破了寂靜。
對了，今天要去海邊。他想起來了。
出發前，他在門口忙活一陣。石腿靠在牆邊，腳上穿的是佩姬選的小白鞋。他從鞋櫃中拿出羅馬涼鞋——穿了千年的那雙。接著他脫下石腿腳上的白色步鞋，將羅馬涼鞋換回去。露出鞋口的石質腳趾收攏一下，像準備站上崗位。大腿截面上的杖頭和劍柄再次變得清晰。嚴肅、認真，就像承擔著重責大任的軍團兵。
左腿從劍柄處握住——掌心傳來一陣極輕微的、像是什麼東西在回應的震動——右腿則抓住腳踝舉高。雙腿又一次變回聖杖和神劍。
Saturday morning, the alarm that usually didn't ring on this day cut through the silence.
Right, today was the beach. He remembered.
Before leaving, he busied himself at the door for a while. The stone legs leaned against the wall, wearing the white sneakers Peggy had chosen. He took the Roman sandals from the shoe cabinet—the pair worn for a thousand years. Then he removed the white sneakers from the stone feet and put the Roman sandals back on. The stone toes peeking from the shoe openings curled once, as if preparing to stand at their post. The staff-head and sword-hilt on the thigh cross-sections became clear again. Serious, earnest, like legionnaires bearing a grave responsibility.
He gripped the left leg at the sword hilt—a faint vibration, like something responding, traveled through his palm—and lifted the right leg by the ankle. The legs became the holy staff and divine sword once more.
並非打算戰鬥，只是為了好攜帶。他不想落下什麼——全部的佩拉吉亞，都會帶到海邊。
核心被他用大毛巾裹好，小心地放進背包裡。背包的拉鏈沒拉到底，留了一道縫，讓核心頂部的開口露出來——佩姬特別交代的，說核心需要「呼吸」。他選擇不深究這個詞的定義。
佩姬也準備好了，幻體穿上淺黃色洋裝、戴了草帽——都是真的。光環懸在帽裡。腳上也穿了雙真的鞋——上次一併買下的瑪莉珍鞋。她轉頭笑著，動了動腳掌，鞋前端真的被腳趾撐起。
她嘴上嘟囔著同時穿著這麼多真的東西有多麻煩，語氣聽著像抱怨——但她嘴角的弧度出賣了她。
Not that he intended to fight. Just for ease of carrying. He didn't want to leave anything behind—all of Pelagia would go to the beach.
He wrapped the core in a large towel and carefully placed it in the backpack. The zipper wasn't pulled all the way, leaving a gap for the core's top opening to show—Peggy had specifically instructed this, saying the core needed to "breathe." He chose not to investigate the definition of that word further.
Peggy was ready too. The phantom body wore a pale yellow dress and a straw hat—both real. The halo hung inside the hat. On her feet were real shoes too—the Mary Janes they'd bought last time. She turned her head and smiled, wiggling her foot, the front of the shoe actually lifting from her toes.
She grumbled about how troublesome it was to wear so many real things at once, her tone sounding like complaint—but the curve of her lips betrayed her.
他們搭公車，到了海邊。海灘比他想像的近。下公車後，穿過一片防風林，海就出現了。
不是明信片上的海。浪打上來的時候帶著碎貝殼和海草的莖，退回去的時候在沙面上拖出深色的痕跡。風裡有鹹味，混著一點腥——不是難聞的那種，是活著的東西的氣息。遠處的海面在午後的光裡碎成一片一片的銀色，近處的浪花是灰綠的，帶著白色的泡沫。
他們找到了公共更衣室。兩人換上了泳衣。佩姬的泳裝是兩件式，純白。然後搭上也是白色的罩衫和紗裙，裙擺在海風中輕輕飄動。
她走出幾步，然後停住。他回頭看她。
她的表情他沒見過。像一個人聽到了一首自己以為忘了的歌，記憶沒有回來，但身體先認出了旋律。
「佩姬？」
她深吸了一口氣。鹹的空氣灌進幻體的胸腔，她把起伏的動作做完整。肩膀微微繃緊，又鬆下來。
「走吧。」她說。朝著海，腳步踏了出去。
They took the bus to the beach. The beach was closer than he'd imagined. After getting off the bus and passing through a windbreak forest, the sea appeared.
Not the sea from postcards. The waves carried broken shells and stems of seaweed as they came in, and dragged dark trails across the sand as they retreated. The wind smelled of salt, mixed with a faint fishiness—not the unpleasant kind, but the breath of living things. The distant sea surface shattered into pieces of silver in the afternoon light; the nearby waves were gray-green, with white foam.
They looked around and found the public changing rooms. They changed into swimsuits. Peggy's swimsuit was a two-piece, pure white. Then she added a white cover-up and a gauze skirt, the hem fluttering gently in the sea breeze.
She took a few steps out, then stopped. He turned to look at her.
Her expression was one he'd never seen. Like someone hearing a song they thought they'd forgotten—the memory didn't return, but the body recognized the melody first.
"Peggy?"
She took a deep breath. The salty air filled the phantom's chest; she completed the rising motion fully. Her shoulders tensed slightly, then relaxed.
"Let's go," she said. Facing the sea, she stepped forward.
他選了一處人少的灘段。把背包放下，拉鏈打開。核心被取出，裹在外面的毛巾一角被海風吹得鼓起來。
「給我。」佩姬伸出雙手。
他把核心交過去。
幻體的手接住它。海藍色的光滲出來，在她胸口的位置一明一暗。
佩姬抱著核心，一步一步走向海浪。
走到了膝蓋深度的位置，她停下來。低頭看了看懷裡的核心，然後慢慢地、小心地蹲下，讓核心的下半部浸入浪中。上半部還露在水面上。海水從核心的開口邊緣流進去，與裡面的海藍色光相遇。
He chose a stretch of beach with few people. He set down the backpack and opened the zipper. The core was taken out, the corner of the towel wrapped around it puffing up in the sea breeze.
"Give it to me." Peggy extended both hands.
He handed her the core.
The phantom's hands received it. Sea-blue light seeped out, flickering bright and dim at her chest.
Peggy held the core and walked step by step toward the waves.
She stopped at knee depth. She looked down at the core in her arms, then slowly, carefully crouched, letting the lower half of the core dip into the waves. The upper half remained above the water. Seawater flowed in from the edge of the core's opening, meeting the sea-blue light inside.
他的呼吸停了一拍。
核心內部的渦流——變了。旋轉與海浪逐漸同步。浪來了，渦流收緊。浪退了，渦流舒展。核心表面的膨脹和收縮也跟隨了同樣的節奏，像它終於被放回了它本應在的地方。
核心頂部的開口裡，海藍色的光與流進來的海水交疊著，一上一下，像在呼吸。
佩姬蹲在海裡，雙手扶著核心，盯著它看。浪花一波一波打上來，穿過幻體的膝蓋，穿過紗裙的布料，但她一動不動。琥珀色的眼睛映著海藍色的光，光裡面有什麼在轉。
然後她抬起頭，看向岸邊。
His breath caught for a beat.
The vortex inside the core—changed. Its rotation gradually synchronized with the waves. A wave came; the vortex tightened. The wave retreated; the vortex expanded. The core's surface expansion and contraction followed the same rhythm, as if it had finally been returned to where it was always meant to be.
At the core's top opening, the sea-blue light and the inflowing seawater overlapped, rising and falling, like breathing.
Peggy crouched in the sea, both hands supporting the core, staring at it. Waves lapped up one after another, passing through the phantom's knees, through the gauze skirt's fabric, but she didn't move. Her amber eyes reflected the sea-blue light, and something within that light was turning.
Then she looked up, toward the shore.
他已經把聖杖和神劍從背帶裡解出來了，插在沙灘上。聖杖的米白色杖身在陽光下微微發亮，杖頭的晶石發出微弱的暖光——舒服的那種，像伸了個懶腰。海風吹過神劍的銀藍色劍鋒，發出一聲嗡鳴，像附和著海說的話。
他看著海面上的佩姬。她把核心從水裡抱起來一些，但沒有完全離開——核心的底部尖端還浸在浪裡。
聖杖和神劍插在不遠處的沙灘上。頭頂的光環一圈一圈轉著。
四個部分，隔了不知道多少年，再一次同時待在同一片海裡。
He had already unfastened the holy staff and divine sword from the straps and planted them in the sand. The holy staff's off-white shaft gleamed faintly in the sunlight, the crystal at its head giving off a faint warm glow—the comfortable kind, like a stretch after waking. The sea breeze passed over the divine sword's silver-blue blade, producing a hum, as if echoing what the sea was saying.
He watched Peggy on the water. She lifted the core slightly from the water, but didn't fully remove it—the bottom tip of the core still dipped in the waves.
The holy staff and divine sword stood planted in the sand not far away. Above, the halo turned circle after circle.
Four parts, after who knew how many years, once again in the same sea at the same time.
她沒有說什麼。但眼睛瞇了起來，嘴角的弧度比剛才深了一點。
她輕輕搖了搖核心，裡面的海水晃了晃。渦流的方向變了——不是被打亂，是像被海重新梳理了一遍。光絲散開又聚攏，在新的位置生出細小的分支。
她盯著看。嘴微微張開。像看到了什麼正在她體內——她剩餘的身體裡——悄悄地長。
接著她的另一隻手伸出去，讓浪花穿過幻體的手指。水從指縫間流過的時候，她把手翻過來，又翻過去。
她笑了。不大，嘴角只是往上了一點。但那個弧度停了很久。她手放開，把核心留在原地，轉身邁向沙灘。
藍天白雲，幻體的雙足踩在海與沙的交界上，陽光把她整個人照得發亮。風捲起了衣角，也拂動了髮絲。她低頭看著浪花舔舐腳踝，嘴角掛著淺淺的弧。
She didn't say anything. But her eyes narrowed, and the curve of her lips deepened slightly.
She gently rocked the core; the seawater inside swayed. The vortex's direction changed—not disrupted, but as if the sea had re-combed it. Threads of light dispersed and regrouped, growing tiny new branches in new positions.
She stared. Her mouth opened slightly. As if seeing something quietly growing inside her—inside what remained of her body.
Then her other hand reached out, letting the waves pass through the phantom's fingers. As the water flowed between her fingers, she turned her hand over, then over again.
She smiled. Not much, just the corners of her lips lifting a little. But that curve stayed for a long time. She let go, left the core where it was, and turned to walk toward the beach.
Blue sky, white clouds. The phantom's feet stepped on the boundary between sea and sand, the sunlight making her whole figure shine. The wind lifted the hem of her clothes and stirred her hair. She looked down at the waves licking her ankles, a faint curve at the corners of her mouth.
他看著，找不到能形容他此刻心情的言詞。只有喉嚨深處一股溫熱、鹹澀的湧動，像潮水漲滿了胸腔。
他們在沙灘待了整個上午。太陽過頂後，他起身，把聖杖和神劍拔出來，把沙子爬掉。「走嘍。」他邊朝海裡喊，邊收拾東西。
佩姬聽到了，她走回去，把核心抱上岸來，裹上毛巾，輕輕地擦。擦到底部尖端時，她改用面紙，手指幾乎是懸空地擦過。
「幹嘛啦？」她發現他正專注地看著她，語氣有點不安。
他聳聳肩，轉頭繼續收拾。
He watched, unable to find words to describe what he felt. Only a warm, salty surge deep in his throat, like the tide filling his chest.
They spent the whole morning on the beach. After the sun passed overhead, he stood up, pulled the holy staff and divine sword from the sand, and brushed off the sand. "Let's go," he called toward the sea while packing up.
Peggy heard him. She walked back, carried the core ashore, wrapped it in the towel, and wiped it gently. When she reached the bottom tip, she switched to a tissue, her fingers barely grazing it.
"What?" She noticed him watching her intently, her tone slightly uneasy.
He shrugged and turned back to packing.
回程的公車上，佩姬一直看著窗外，直到海岸從她的視野消失。她極輕地嘆一口氣。
「我們還會再來的。」他說。
她沒轉頭，手指輕輕地觸著車窗的玻璃，肩膀收緊了又放鬆。
車窗外的城市越來越近。海已經看不到了，但她指尖碰著的那一小塊玻璃，還是溫的。
On the bus home, Peggy kept looking out the window until the coast disappeared from view. She sighed very softly.
"We'll come again," he said.
She didn't turn her head. Her fingers lightly touched the window glass, her shoulders tensing then relaxing.
The city outside the window drew closer. The sea was no longer visible, but the small patch of glass her fingertips touched was still warm.
---
到家以後，他解下聖杖和神劍，往門口邊一放，變回了石腿。它們站在鞋櫃旁邊，像兩根米白色的柱子。羅馬涼鞋的古樸皮革包裹著石雕般的腳掌，裂痕在玄關的燈光下清晰可見。
接著他取下背包，拉開拉鍊。核心自己從裡面浮起來，包裹的毛巾自然滑落。核心緩緩地飄到客廳角落，懸在那裡。海藍色的光重新映上牆壁，整間屋子又回到了那片淺海裡。
佩姬還穿著外出時的那套新裝。她不急著解除幻體，把腳上穿的新鞋——酒紅色的瑪莉珍皮鞋——脫下，擺在石像般的雙腿旁。新鞋充滿少女感的圓潤造型、亮眼的色彩與光澤，與那雙腿上古樸沉重的羅馬涼鞋擺在一起，中間隔著一點距離。
佩姬轉身，走到窗邊的沙發坐下。
After arriving home, he unfastened the holy staff and divine sword and set them by the entrance, where they turned back into the stone legs. They stood beside the shoe cabinet like two off-white pillars. The Roman sandals' ancient leather wrapped around the stone-carved feet, the cracks clearly visible under the entryway light.
Then he took off the backpack and opened the zipper. The core floated up on its own, the wrapping towel sliding off naturally. The core drifted slowly to the corner of the living room and hovered there. Sea-blue light once again cast itself on the walls, and the whole apartment returned to that shallow sea.
Peggy was still wearing the new outfit from the outing. She didn't hurry to dissolve the phantom body. She took off the new shoes—wine-red Mary Jane pumps—and placed them beside the statue-like legs. The new shoes, with their girlish rounded shape, bright color, and luster, sat next to the ancient, heavy Roman sandals on those legs, a small distance between them.
Peggy turned and walked to the sofa by the window, sitting down.
下午四點多的陽光從窗戶進來，角度已經斜了。陽光穿過窗簾，輕輕地落在她的吊帶裙上，淺黃色的布料被照得微微透光，裡面的輪廓若隱若現。灰色的絲襪在光裡呈現出一層薄霧般的質感，腳掌擱在沙發前的毛毯上，腳趾在絲襪裡輕輕蜷了一下。
她往後靠著。沙發的靠背陷進幻體的背，她讓那個凹陷保持著。
雙手的手指輕輕交叉，抵在胸前。頭偏向一側，靠在靠背的邊緣。
然後她開始哼。
沒有旋律。嘴唇微微開合，喉嚨裡有什麼在輕輕振動。聲音太輕了，被核心從海邊帶回來的那層細細的潮聲蓋了過去。
陽光繼續移動。從她的肩膀滑到手臂，從手臂滑到交叉的手指，從手指滑到裙襬，滑到膝蓋，滑到擱在毛毯上的腳掌。
她沒有動。
陽光在動，風在窗簾縫隙裡動，核心的光在客廳中膨脹收縮，而她坐在這些運動的中間，不需要做任何事。
她嘴角有著微微的、安靜的弧度。不是她笑，是她體內有什麼滿了，溢到了臉上，剛好停在那個位置，就沒有離開。
The afternoon sun, past four o'clock, came through the window at a slant. It passed through the curtain and fell gently on her camisole dress, the pale yellow fabric glowing faintly translucent, the contours beneath subtly visible. The gray stockings took on a mist-like texture in the light, her feet resting on the rug in front of the sofa, toes curling slightly inside the stockings.
She leaned back. The sofa's backrest sank into the phantom's back, and she let that indentation remain.
Her fingers laced loosely, resting against her chest. Her head tilted to one side, resting against the edge of the backrest.
Then she began to hum.
No melody. Her lips opened and closed slightly, something vibrating softly in her throat. The sound was too faint, covered by the thin layer of tidal sound the core had brought back from the beach.
The sunlight continued to move. From her shoulder to her arm, from her arm to her laced fingers, from her fingers to the hem of her dress, to her knees, to her feet resting on the rug.
She didn't move.
The sunlight moved, the wind moved in the gaps of the curtain, the core's light expanded and contracted in the living room, and she sat in the middle of all this motion, needing to do nothing.
There was a faint, quiet curve at the corners of her mouth. Not her smiling—something inside her had filled up and overflowed onto her face, stopping at that spot and not leaving.
他站在客廳的另一端。
本來要去廚房倒水。經過的時候看了一眼，就停下來了。
手裡的杯子還是空的。
他看著她。
喉結動了一下。嘴唇開了開——有什麼話到了嘴邊。他想了想，沒有說。
這個時刻太好了。好到任何一句話放進來都是多餘的。
He stood at the other end of the living room.
He'd been about to go to the kitchen for water. He glanced over as he passed, and stopped.
The cup in his hand was still empty.
He looked at her.
His Adam's apple moved. His lips parted—something had reached his lips. He thought about it and didn't say it.
This moment was too good. So good that any words placed into it would be superfluous.
他收回眼光，視線無意間掃過門口。
那雙石腿站在那裡。旁邊是瑪莉珍鞋。
他盯著那雙腿看了幾秒。又回頭看了看沙發上的佩姬。
她穿著吊帶裙和絲襪，鞋沒有在腳上——在那雙石腿旁。
他走過去了，在石腿面前蹲下來。
他脫下右腿上的羅馬涼鞋，放在一邊。石質的腳掌露出來——五根腳趾，安安靜靜地併在一起。他碰了一下，冰涼的，帶著石材特有的那種光滑。
他拿起旁邊的酒紅色瑪莉珍，把腳掌套進去。搭扣扣上。皮革裹住石材的輪廓，酒紅色與米白色之間，有一道極細的縫隙——光在裡面停了一下，又流走了。
左腳也換上了。他蹲在那裡看著，拍了大腿兩下。接著他站起，退後一步，把換完鞋的雙腿和沙發上的佩姬一同放進眼裡。
He withdrew his gaze, and his eyes inadvertently swept past the entrance.
The stone legs stood there. Beside them, the Mary Janes.
He stared at those legs for a few seconds. Then looked back at Peggy on the sofa.
She wore the camisole dress and stockings, shoes not on her feet—they were beside the stone legs.
He walked over and crouched in front of the stone legs.
He removed the Roman sandal from the right leg and set it aside. The stone foot was revealed—five toes, quietly aligned. He touched it. Cold, with the particular smoothness of stone.
He picked up the wine-red Mary Jane beside him and slipped it onto the foot. Buckled the strap. The leather wrapped around the stone's contours; between the wine-red and the off-white, there was an extremely thin gap—light paused there for a moment, then flowed away.
The left foot got its shoe too. He crouched there watching, patted his thigh twice. Then he stood, stepped back, and took in both the newly shod legs and Peggy on the sofa.
石腿上沒有出現聖杖的杖頭，也沒有神劍的劍柄。什麼都沒有。
它們不再擔負著什麼，就只是一雙穿著瑪莉珍鞋的女生的腿。
「這樣才對嘛。」他想著。
然後他感覺到了。空氣裡多了一種很輕的、很細的什麼，像有人在旁邊呼吸，但他知道那不是佩姬。
他低下頭，看向石腿的大腿截面——本來是平滑的切面，現在出現了兩個小小的形體。
他眨了眨眼。
兩個人形。
不是石雕。是活的。大約一截前臂高，裙子下擺覆蓋在大腿截面上，彷彿是從腿上長出來的。左腿上一個，手拿著的像是……剪刀，刀柄裝飾得漂漂亮亮的。右腿上一個，拿著細細的金屬圓框，框中央安裝著晶石，晶石發著微弱的暖光。
頭髮是黑色的。眼睛也是黑色的。表情溫和，像兩個在午後曬太陽的孩子。臉上掛著小小的、溫柔的微笑。
No staff-head appeared on the stone legs, no sword-hilt either. Nothing at all.
They no longer bore anything. They were just a pair of girl's legs wearing Mary Janes.
"This is how it should be," he thought.
Then he felt it. A very light, very fine something in the air, like someone breathing nearby, but he knew it wasn't Peggy.
He looked down at the thigh cross-sections of the stone legs—what had been smooth cut surfaces now bore two small figures.
He blinked.
Two small figures.
Not stone carvings. Alive. About the height of a forearm, skirt hems covering the thigh cross-sections, as if growing from the legs. One on the left leg, holding what looked like... scissors, the handles beautifully decorated. One on the right leg, holding a thin metal circular frame with a crystal set in the center, the crystal giving off a faint warm glow.
Their hair was black. Their eyes were black too. Their expressions were gentle, like two children sunning themselves in the afternoon. Small, tender smiles on their faces.
他揉了揉眼睛。它們還在。
「哎呀。」
佩姬的聲音從背後傳來。他回頭，她已經離開了沙發，飄了過來。幻體不知道什麼時候解除了，就一顆頭，在他肩膀旁邊懸著，和他一起看。
He rubbed his eyes. They were still there.
"Oh my."
Peggy's voice came from behind. He turned. She had left the sofa and floated over. The phantom body had dissolved at some point; just a head, hovering by his shoulder, looking with him.
「它們變了模樣了。」她說。聲音裡有笑意。
「這是——」他的嘴巴合不太攏。
「你剛剛幫它們換了鞋，對吧？」佩姬說。「換的時候，你心裡想的是不是——它們就該這樣？」
他回想了一下。確實。他剛才看到沙發上的佩姬，就覺得——這雙腿也該是那樣。安安靜靜地，穿著好看的鞋子，待在下午的光裡。
「所以它們回應了你。」佩姬的聲音輕輕的。「它們和你的關係真的很好呢，阿豪。」
「是這樣嗎……」他轉頭，盯著那兩個小小的人影。「為什麼是黑髮黑眼？我還以為會跟妳的一樣。」
「因為它們想接近你。」佩姬說。「想跟你更像一些。」
她想了一下。光環轉了起來，是那種有了主意的轉法。
「好，阿豪。帶上它們，我們去頂樓。」
「現在？」
「現在。」
"They've changed appearance," she said. There was amusement in her voice.
"This is—" His mouth wouldn't quite close.
"You just changed their shoes, didn't you?" Peggy said. "When you did, weren't you thinking—this is how they should be?"
He thought back. True. When he'd seen Peggy on the sofa just now, he'd felt—these legs should be like that too. Quietly, wearing pretty shoes, in the afternoon light.
"So they responded to you." Peggy's voice was soft. "They really do have a good relationship with you, Hao."
"Is that so..." He turned his head, staring at the two small figures. "Why black hair and black eyes? I thought they'd be like yours."
"Because they want to be closer to you." Peggy said. "Want to be more like you."
She thought for a moment. Her halo began to turn, the kind of turning that meant she had an idea.
"All right, Hao. Bring them. Let's go to the rooftop."
"Now?"
"Now."
---
社區頂樓是連通的，頗為空曠。住戶們在邊緣擺了不少盆栽，高高低低的，有些開著花，有些只剩葉子。有一盆九重葛爬到了欄杆上，紫色的花瓣被傍晚的風吹得簌簌響。
那雙腿被他的手抓著大腿，一手一隻，帶上了頂樓。
它們比之前輕了——不是物理重量的變化，是那種「終於可以下班了」的輕。裂紋幾乎看不見了。米白色的石材質感在傍晚的光裡泛著溫潤的色澤，像被海水沖刷過的鵝卵石。
到了頂樓，兩個小妖精還在大腿截面上，抱著的東西也在。剪刀在傍晚的光裡反射出一點暖色——不是劍鋒的那種寒光。晶石也不再是引路的亮，而是散開的，柔柔的，像一顆小燈籠。
佩姬說妖精抱著的那些是從聖杖和神劍轉變過來的。晶石不再需要淨化邪穢的莊嚴，釋放舒緩與治癒的光。剪刀的鋒利並非用於斬殺，而是剪裁——對於生活、對於將來、對於存在，想要塑造成什麼形狀的剪裁。
The rooftop of the apartment complex was connected and quite spacious. Residents had placed potted plants along the edges, tall and short, some blooming, some with only leaves. A bougainvillea had climbed onto the railing, its purple petals rustling in the evening breeze.
He carried the legs by their thighs, one in each hand, up to the rooftop.
They were lighter than before—not a change in physical weight, but the lightness of "finally able to clock off." The cracks were almost invisible. The off-white stone texture took on a warm luster in the evening light, like pebbles washed by the sea.
On the rooftop, the two little sprites were still on the thigh cross-sections, still holding their things. The scissors reflected a hint of warm color in the evening light—not the cold gleam of a blade. The crystal was no longer a guiding light but a soft, diffuse glow, like a small lantern.
Peggy said the things the sprites held had transformed from the holy staff and divine sword. The crystal no longer needed the solemnity of purifying evil; it released a soothing, healing light. The scissors' sharpness wasn't for killing but for cutting—cutting out what shape one wanted to make of life, of the future, of existence.
「那雙腿……有了它們自己的期盼了呢。」佩姬笑著說。
他看了一眼佩姬。她說那些話的時候，光環比平時轉得慢。他說不上來為什麼，但胸口鬆了一些。
或許是因為「期盼」那兩個字。或許是他大概也被放在那兩個字裡面。
他往頂樓邊緣走，把那雙腿放在花壇旁，手掌鬆開。它們站得穩穩的，瑪莉珍鞋的酒紅色在一片綠色中很顯眼。
佩姬飄了過來。就一顆頭，頭頂的金色光環在傍晚的天空下顯得格外明亮。深棕色的髮被風吹散了一些，幾縷貼在額頭上。
"Those legs... have their own hopes now," Peggy said with a smile.
He glanced at Peggy. When she said those words, her halo turned slower than usual. He couldn't say why, but his chest felt looser.
Maybe because of the word "hopes." Maybe because he was probably included in that word too.
He walked to the edge of the rooftop and set the legs beside the flower bed, releasing his hands. They stood steadily, the wine-red of the Mary Janes conspicuous among the green.
Peggy floated over. Just a head, the golden halo above it especially bright under the evening sky. Her deep brown hair had been blown loose by the wind, a few strands clinging to her forehead.
她飛到石腿上方，然後緩緩降下來，懸在兩個小妖精之間。
三個堪稱「奇怪」的存在——一顆頭和一雙幻化出妖精的腿——面朝著同一個方向：遠處的斜陽。
城市在頂樓之下展開。建築的輪廓在傍晚的光裡參差不齊，有些窗戶已經亮了燈，有些還暗著。天際線上的顏色一層一層的——藍的、紫的、灰的、金的——像有人把所有顏色倒進了一杯水裡，還沒攪勻。
風從遠處吹來。空氣裡有一種傍晚特有的、什麼都在收束的氣息。
佩姬轉過來。兩個小妖精——連著那雙腿——也轉過來，一起望著他。
「像不像在拍合照？」她笑了。
She flew above the stone legs, then slowly descended, hovering between the two little sprites.
Three arguably "strange" existences—a head and a pair of legs that had manifested sprites—facing the same direction: the distant setting sun.
The city spread out below the rooftop. Building silhouettes were uneven in the evening light, some windows already lit, some still dark. The colors on the skyline layered one upon another—blue, purple, gray, gold—like someone had poured all the colors into a glass of water and hadn't stirred it yet.
The wind blew from afar. The air carried that particular evening quality of everything drawing in.
Peggy turned. The two little sprites—and the legs they were attached to—turned too, all looking at him.
"Doesn't this look like a group photo?" She smiled.
像。太像了。
雖然是一位女神的頭和祂的雙腿，在公寓頂樓的花盆間拍的合照。
但也沒什麼不對。
她們——就該在這裡。快快樂樂地，在一起。
風又吹了一次。佩姬的髮絲飄過光環的邊緣，被染上了一層淡淡的金色。兩個小妖精同時抬手，撥開了被風吹到臉上的什麼——雖然它們的頭髮不是真的。
「佩姬。」他說。
「嗯？」
「我之前說想帶妳去海邊，是因為覺得海最適合妳。但剛才在海邊的時候，我想到了另一件事。」
光環的角度偏了偏。
It did. Too much.
Even if it was a photo of a goddess's head and Her legs among flowerpots on an apartment rooftop.
But there was nothing wrong with it.
They—should be here. Happily, together.
The wind blew again. Peggy's hair drifted past the edge of her halo, tinted with a faint gold. The two little sprites raised their hands simultaneously, brushing away something the wind had blown onto their faces—even though their hair wasn't real.
"Peggy," he said.
"Hm?"
"I said earlier I wanted to take you to the beach because I felt the sea suited you best. But while we were at the beach, I thought of something else."
The halo tilted slightly.
「佩拉吉亞是海，」他說，「但妳不是海。妳是——從海裡走出來的。走到了陸地上，走到了城市裡，走到了我旁邊。」
風停了一下。
「海是祂，但人間……有妳。」他說。「我想說的是……待在這裡也很好。」
佩姬的光環停了一瞬。然後轉了起來，很慢很慢。
「你這人，」她說，聲音很輕，「偶爾說的話還挺像樣的。」
她看著他。風把她沒說完的話吹散了，但她嘴角的弧度留在了那裡。接著她轉頭，看向遠方。
"Pelagia is the sea," he said, "but you're not the sea. You're—what walked out of the sea. Walked onto land, walked into the city, walked to my side."
The wind paused.
"The sea is Her, but the mortal world... has you." He said. "What I want to say is... staying here is good too."
Peggy's halo stopped for an instant. Then it began to turn, very slowly.
"You," she said, her voice very soft, "sometimes say things that are quite decent."
She looked at him. The wind scattered the words she hadn't finished, but the curve of her lips stayed. Then she turned her head, looking into the distance.
兩個小妖精也轉向頂樓邊緣外側，跳到女兒牆前，踮了踮腳——佩拉吉亞的腳，此刻也是她們的——和佩姬一起看著那片還沒完全暗下去的天空。
他往前走了幾步。站到了佩姬旁邊——她飄在他肩膀的高度，金色光環正好在他的視線邊緣。
他們就這樣站著。
核心在樓下的客廳裡，像沒關掉的電視般發著光。海藍色的光穿過窗戶，隨著膨脹和收縮，一明一暗，一明一暗。
太陽沉到了建築物的後面。天空的顏色還在變，從金轉橙，從橙轉紫。風帶著花壇裡泥土的氣味。
The two little sprites turned too, toward the outer edge of the rooftop, hopping to the parapet and rising on tiptoe—Pelagia's feet, now theirs as well—watching the sky that hadn't fully darkened yet, together with Peggy.
He took a few steps forward. Stood beside Peggy—she floated at the height of his shoulder, the golden halo right at the edge of his vision.
They stood like that.
The core was in the living room downstairs, glowing like a television left on. Sea-blue light passed through the window, brightening and dimming with each expansion and contraction, brightening and dimming.
The sun sank behind the buildings. The sky's colors were still changing, from gold to orange, from orange to purple. The wind carried the smell of soil from the flower bed.
佩姬說了一句什麼，聲音被風吹走了大半。他沒有聽清。
「嗯？」
「我說——」她的光環輕輕側了一下，「回去吧。」
停了一拍。
「回樓下。」她說。「回家。」
他點了點頭。
蹲下，雙手抓著鞋跟，緩緩舉起。這次那雙腿靠向他的手臂，大腿倚在他的肩上，像兩個累了的孩子靠在大人身上。妖精們的裙擺在他的肩頭攤開，眼睛瞇起，表情帶著期待，像初次搭火車。
他帶著它們往樓梯口走。佩姬飄在他旁邊。她沒看他，嘴角卻像在藏著什麼地笑著。
Peggy said something, most of it carried away by the wind. He didn't catch it.
"Hm?"
"I said—" Her halo tilted slightly. "Let's go back."
A beat.
"Back downstairs." She said. "Home."
He nodded.
He crouched, gripped the heels with both hands, and slowly lifted. This time the legs leaned toward his arms, the thighs resting against his shoulders, like two tired children leaning on an adult. The sprites' skirts spread across his shoulders, their eyes narrowing, expressions expectant, like first-time train passengers.
He carried them toward the stairwell. Peggy floated beside him. She didn't look at him, but the corners of her mouth smiled as if hiding something.
回到客廳的時候，他把腿靠在鞋櫃旁邊。小妖精還在，影像卻有點模糊、有點透明。
「它們好像很累了。」他自言自語。
「去了海邊嘛。」佩姬說著。「難得出去，還玩了一整天。」
他幫那雙腿換回舒適的小白鞋。妖精逐漸變淡。它們——她們——在消失前，對他揮了揮手。
「下次見。」他說。
Back in the living room, he leaned the legs against the shoe cabinet. The little sprites were still there, but their images were slightly blurred, slightly transparent.
"They seem very tired," he murmured.
"We went to the beach," Peggy said. "A rare outing, and they played all day."
He changed the legs back into the comfortable white sneakers. The sprites gradually faded. Before disappearing, they—she?—waved at him.
"See you next time," he said.
回到客廳後，他去廚房熱了湯，從冰箱裡拿出昨天剩的滷味，又炒了一盤青菜。佩姬的幻體出現了——寬鬆的T恤和七分褲，變出來的，她懶得挑了。
食物擺上桌。他把餐桌上方的燈關了，只留核心的光，在牆上漲落。
佩姬夾起一塊滷豆干，咬了一口，嚼了很久。
「這個，」她舉起剩下的半塊，「跟臭豆腐差在哪裡？」
「做法不一樣。口感也不一樣。」
「嗯。」她又咬了一口，認真地嚼。「明天我要吃水餃。還有餛飩。我要自己比較。」
「好。」
「餛飩的皮比較薄，」她補了一句，「我上次看電視看到的。我想確認。」
「妳什麼時候看的電視？」
「你上班的時候。」她夾起第二塊。
Back in the living room, he went to the kitchen to heat soup, took leftover braised items from the fridge, and stir-fried a plate of greens. Peggy's phantom body appeared—a loose T-shirt and cropped pants, manifested, she couldn't be bothered to choose.
The food was laid on the table. He turned off the light above the dining table, leaving only the core's glow, rising and falling on the walls.
Peggy picked up a piece of braised dried tofu, bit into it, and chewed for a long time.
"This," she held up the remaining half, "what's the difference from stinky tofu?"
"Different preparation. Different texture."
"Mm." She bit again, chewing seriously. "Tomorrow I want dumplings. And wontons. I want to compare them myself."
"Okay."
"Wonton wrappers are thinner," she added. "I saw it on TV last time. I want to confirm."
"When did you watch TV?"
"When you were at work." She picked up a second piece.
晚餐後，他收拾乾淨。佩姬也開始試著用幻體幫忙收拾。她把碗疊起來端到水槽——碗在幻體的手裡有點不穩，晃了一下。她完全可以一個念頭就讓碗飛過去，但她偏要用雙手。
他看著她笨拙地把碗放進水槽，沒有插手。
After dinner, he cleaned up. Peggy also began trying to help clean up with the phantom body. She stacked the bowls and carried them to the sink—the bowls were a little unsteady in the phantom's hands, wobbling once. She could have moved them with a thought, but she insisted on using both hands.
He watched her clumsily put the bowls in the sink and didn't intervene.
夜深了，他走回臥室。
躺在床上，客廳的藍光透過門縫，在天花板上畫出一道細細的、隨呼吸起伏的光線。和昨晚一樣。又不一樣。
他閉上眼睛。
今晚沒有做夢。
客廳裡，核心的光一明，一暗。帶著海的節奏。
It grew late, and he walked back to the bedroom.
Lying in bed, the blue light from the living room came through the door crack, drawing a thin line on the ceiling that rose and fell with breathing. Same as last night. And different.
He closed his eyes.
Tonight, he didn't dream.
In the living room, the core's light brightened, dimmed. With the rhythm of the sea.
沒有留言:
張貼留言